Thursday, April 12, 2012

Razorblade Smile Reviews: Big Trouble In Little China

Hey, I'm feeling like a little Takeout Chinese tonight, how about you? And you know what movie goes fantabulous with some Pork Fried Rice?

Chet The Vampire Reviews John Carpenter's: Big Trouble In Little China

Duuuhh...take it easy with the General's Chicken, or you may find you have runny diarrhea and...

Chet the Vampire Reviews Big Trouble In Little China!

Big Trouble In Little China


John Carpenter

Gary Goldman
David Z. Weinstein

Kurt Russell
Kim Cattrall
James Hong

Year: 1986

Company: 20th Century Fox

The Basic Scoop, The Poop, The Lowdown:

A Trucker named Jack Burton (Russell) gets the one thing that matters most to him in the world "Jacked" (Captain Pun, at your service! ) from him...duh, he's a trucker, it's his 18-wheeler, AKA "The Porkchop Express" and its stolen in Little China. Which of course, is what begins all the "big trouble" in the first place... hence the title of the film. ;) Jack and his martial artist Chinese buddies must descend into Chinatown's secret underworld to battle an ancient evil called Lo-Pan (Hong) which is all WAY more than alleged "badass" Mr. Burton bargained for!

Let the whimsical Kung-fu Kickassery begin!

What's Pretty Good:

Of course being that this is a John Carpenter flick, there's certain standard "rules of the road" that go with his style, fast-paced action, sometimes over the top, but in a good way, classic anti-hero, anti-authority, lead characters, lots of dark humor and tongue-in-cheek gags, memorable special effects sequences. BTLC delivers on all those counts. This film is a solid tribute to classic kung-fu flicks of the late 60's and 70's and no doubt, had the late great Bruce Lee lived to see this film made, Carpenter probably would've wanted the former dude for a cameo.

Not necessarily that they could have afforded him on the films lower budget, but's a thought.

Another great touch to this film is of course Kurt Russell's Jack Burton. At first glance to all three of you dofus eunichs who may not have seen this flick already but HAVE seen other Carpenter classics like Escape from New York and Escape From LA (Okay, MAAAAAYBE on LA calling it a classic is a stretch... :P lol) may be thinking "Oh great, it's Snake Pliskin in a Kung Fu movie, laddee-FRICKIN'-dah!" And "What is that weird spot on my finger, I wonder if it looks infected.."

Err, nevermind dude, that's GROSS!

But as far as the FILM goes, that's the beauty of it. Even though Russell's Jack Burton character is listed as the star, he is really more of a cheesy clueless sidekick, a WANNABE Snake Pliskin...a gentle parody of Russell's previous hero incarnations, and he does so beautifully, complete with a rather funny "John Wayne hitch" in his voice.

Good stuff!

What Kinda Sorta Really, Really Sucks:

For one thing, that this film didn't get more play in its time. BTLC is really more of a "cult actioner" and that's probably because it really doesn't FIT PERFECTLY into one genre or another...which is why "Big Fox" shafted it in promotion, back then which is what Big Fox is NOTORIOUS for doing to really great, innovative quirky movies.

Nevertheless-age, there ARE some problems with it. The plot can be a little ridiculous and confusing at times, hard to follow, particularly if you're watching it for the first time, had to get up to take a ginormos shitsu halfway through. (Mongolian Beef DAMN YOU for being a terrorist to my delicate sexy bowels! :P )

The baddies and the Kung Fu dudes are really interchangeable. Heck, the first time you watch this, maybe even after the second or the 25th, you won't know what all the characters names are, (Yeah yeah, that "Rayden Guy" and the dude who looks like "Snufflopagus" You'll find yourself referring to characters in that way...a LOT.)

Oh yeah, and of course the soundtrack is crappy...but then again, this IS the 80's afterall...the "Golden Age Of Crappy Film Sountracks."

But its really not that big a deal, especially if you skip past the credits and the Coupe DeVilles song.

Oh yeah, and one more thing, why does the ancient Chinatown underworld look like a Mall Food Court, complete with escalator?

Meh. :P

Overall Grade: B-

BTLC is a good classic 80's action "PopCorn Flick" lots of cool explosions, WTF special effects, special moments of funniness and cheese. It deserved better than what it got back then, but we all can certainly appreciate this flick now.

It's a good little quirky "Summer Movie" with plenty of surprises and fun that never takes itself TOO seriously. Watch it with your good friends over some takeout Lo Mein Noodles and bloody goat entrails...oh, umm...that is IF your best buds happen to be Vampires...uhh..yeah.

I'm sure you can still substitute the entrails for egg rolls...or even Creme of Sum Yung Gui ;) lol


a cheeky vampire blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in generala cheeky vampire blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in general

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