Thursday, April 19, 2012

Body Snatchers (1994)

Body Snatchers: Okay okay...Stop pointing and laughing at me alien people...Gawwwd!! ;)

You ever have one of those weird days (particularly Mondays) where you're just not yourself?

Chet Reviews John Carpenter's Vampires

Well on days like that you should probably be thankful that you're not taken over by "otherworldly beings" or in a cheesy wanna B-remake of a B-Movie called...

Chet Vampire Movie Reviews: Body Snatchers

Body Snatchers


Abel Ferrara

Raymond Cistheri
Jack Finney
(Original Novel)

Gabrielle Anwar
Billy Wirth
Meg Tilley

Year: 1994

Company: Dorset Pictures

The Basic Scoop, The Poop, The Lowdown:

The Malones are your average, all-American early 90's family. Daddy Malone's (Terry Kinney) Government job has them posted to a new unspecified military base somewhere in the U-S-A for the summer. Typical teeny bopper daughter Marti (Anwar) is at first not too thrilled about the fam's new digs, but that bored angst turns to terror when she suspects the base is being taken over guessed it...ALIENS!! (muahahaha) with the help of a very generic wannabe teen heartthrob solider (Wirth) Marti Malone (sounds like a stripper name ;) ) must uncover the dark sinister alien plot...or at least, hope to get out of the base alive.

What's Pretty Good:

The concept. If you haven't guessed it already, this film is a RE-remake of 1956's original Invasion Of The Body Snatchers. Most of the roles are pretty solidly cast. (Uber Military actor R. Lee Ermey as the Base Commander of course, Forest Whitaker too has a memorable cameo.) The special effects are generally creepy, the idea that your body gets taken over by aliens when you fall asleep, and the utterly gross "death rattle" when the aliens done get kilt...err...KILLED (don't know why I just tripped into a hillbilly voice there, but I did :P ) are all nice touches.

A very young and (and quite cute ;) ) Gabrielle Anwar is rather likeable (or as likeable as she COULD be in this movie...more on that in a momento) as the film's heroine and shows a glimmer of her later believability in physical action-type roles ( a teeny tiny glimpse of her later most famous grown-up role as ass-kicking ex-RA dame Fiona Glenanne on USA Network's Burn Notice )

BUT.... yeah, you knew it was coming...

What Kinda Sorta Really, Really Sucks:

Put it this way folks, if you haven't heard of this movie before you came to my humble little blog, there's a good REASON why. the young Anwar, middle-aged Whitaker, and older codger Ermey (lol j/k, don't kick my ass sir! ;) ) and all the rest do their very best (haha, RHYME) but the dialogue is paper-thin and wooden on all counts. Marti and the other "heroes" of the film seem to amble on about, without a whole lot of clear planning as to what to do next. The scenery is uninspiring, the characters and their relationships don't seem to show too much depth, even before the alien invasion. The "alien people" don't really seem to do anything either except walk around looking for people to take over and staring at each other. The more profound philosophical concepts embedded in the film are totally over-shadowed by the generic blandness of delivery, and the ending seems rushed and totally unsatisfying. It's like you can tell that the screenwriters had to make some deadline so they just said F*&kit! and wrote a tiny blurb to fill in those last gasps and plotholes. It's like they didn't even care about their own movie... why should I?

Overall Grade: C -

The basic bottom line here is, unless you're either just bored out of your mind, are a Daywalking Sunshiner who can't sleep, a Vampire just getting off a night shift in the wee hours, a fan of Gabrielle Anwar, or a lazy Vampire who is also just getting off a night shift AND is a fan of Anwar (me ;) ) just go ahead a skip this one.


Body Snatchers: Oh yeah you'll be doing a lot of screaming...WITH LAUGHTER!

(Yeah, there are moments of dialogue between the "hero soldier guy" and some of his comrades in arms that if you watch them while punch-drunk, you may decide to write in your own goofy perhaps even homoerotic subtext. A line also repeated more than nce that's meant to be scray/philosophical, but just comes off like the rambling of a crazy crackhead. Plus there's an obviously fake "evil"baby falling out of a chopper...yeah, sounds bad, but trust me, the way they did it was laughable...Ha! )

Oh YEAH...ONE MORE WORD OF WARNING....if you DO dare to check out this flick, this one isn't for the little fellers. At one point in the film, the filmakers decided to go to their neighbor's house and borrow A CUP-full of nudity...if you catch my drift...and those who have seen Gabrielle Anwar from the neck down will know exactly what I mean...hopefully. :P

(Gee Remmy, thanks for that pun suggestion...I like it...NOT!! ;) )

Basically, There's another "pseudo-remake" of IOTBS made a few years later from this one that not only has MORE lead heroes in it, more fleshed out character sub-plots, but also BETTER direction and special effects too...AKA The Faculty (remind me Normies, I have to get around to reviewing that one, one of these nights...and I will! ;) )

Yeah, you should probably just catch that one instead.

("Remmy, whatddyamean Bebe Neuwirth is HOTTer anyway??" Whaaaaaat??? Dude, you're weird.LOL )


a cheeky vampire blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in generala cheeky vampire blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in general

1 comment:

jervaise brooke hamster said...
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