Thursday, February 2, 2012

Commando (1985)

Well it's been awhile since I've really dug my fangs deep into a movie review. Sometimes it just makes you feel like you're all alone in the LONE BLOGGER WARRIOR in a night after night of cheesy movies.

Chet Reviews Commando

Ya know, now that I mention it's kinda like being a... his best...or err...yeah!



Mark L. Lester

Jeph Loeb
Matthew Weisman

Arnold Schwarzenegger
Rae Dong Chong
Alyssa Milano

Year: 1985

Company: 20th Century Fox

The Basic Scoop, The Poop, The Lowdown:

A former (American??) Special Forces Operative Colonel Matrix (of course played by Arnnnnnnullld... weird name) is trying to enjoy his retirement in the big scary woods with his adorable little daughter who looks NOTHING like him named Jenny (played by Milano, again, OF COURSE) when she is inexplicably kidnapped by paramilitary thugs who want to use her as leverage to make him go "Keek Aaas" for their diabolical plans in some foreigh jungle, but does the action hero whose name no one can spell first try play along?


Tee up the action folks, tee up the action!

What's Pretty Good:

The IS the quintessential and ORIGINAL 80's Arnold action flick that was the template for all the others that followed in his career. If you like the Teutonic "Govenator" before he went all scandalous and politicalicious, just running around shootting things, while never EVER really getting hit himself (despite being sleeveless throughout many of the gun battles) and saying shameless snarky one-liners that are so stupid, they're funny, than THIS is the movie for you!!

This really is one of those movies that is so ridiculous, it's funny. It is brazenly unrealistic and macho, the music soundtrack blatantly 80's synthesizer and canned action-fantastic, the scrapes and scenarios our hero gets in and out of simply defying all logic.

In other words, you're going to be thinking "W-T-F?" "What the Hell??" and..."Awwww, That's Bullsh&&^!!" a...LOT!!

But you won't care!!

What Kinda Sorta Really, Really Sucks:

I don't think have to stress this too much, but from a technical aspect, it's a pretty thin film. The plot is so unfleshed out, that it should be a zombie. (So I can Punk it on the thetherball court like I normally do to he Z-dawgs ;) )..the "heavies" look like clowns, the soundtrack is annoying, the lady "love interest" looks like she's bored out of her mind and probably was pissed that she had to do a movie like this.

Not good, not good. Yeaaah.

Hey did I mention already that this is the Golden age of Arnold?? ;)

Overall Grade: D+

Like a lot of other actioners, particularly ARNOLD action flicks, this one has a TON of unintentional yucks, cliches, and is just OOZING with chock-ful politically incorrect testosterone. As far as this Nocturnal slacker is concerned though, that's part of the movie's charm.

You'll probably either love it or hate it, but in any case, you still might want to give it a chance. Watch it with some friends and have a hoot. You'll thank me later!!

And hey Sunshiner, I like you...thatwhy. I'll Keel uwe last!! ;) lol


a cheeky vampire blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in generala cheeky vampire blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in general

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