Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Halloween Costumes That Could Use A Modern Makeover

Halloween's almost here blogsters, do you have any plans? (Well...DO YOU?? Oh yesss, I am so puttin' you on the spot!! lol ) Got your cool costume all picked out?

Well whether you do, or you don't...I'm sure that there are certain styles that either some of you or some of your foxy female friends will be sportin' to the local Spookyville. Oh suuuure, indeed there are some saucy age-old classics, but let's be honest folks, if even us dudes can guess what's coming out of your closet on All Hallow's, maybe it's time to switch it up a little.

Just throwing a few quckie...IDEAS out there on how to possiblly take a few old "favorites" in a different direction. Give'um a gander, will you?

Naughty Nurses are everywhere!


Cliched Classic: The "Naughty Nurse"

*blows Kazoo for pitch*

"I heard that you were feelin' ill...fevers, aches, and a chill!! I was the one sent to your door to restore your PLUCK, because I'm the naughty nurse who likes to- * DOOR SLAM* "

LOL Gotta save that Ferris, dagnabit!

(ASIDE: Am I the only one who thought Jennifer Gray was cuter BEFORE her nose job? )

We all definitely know the schtick of this schtooping routine. Tight-fitting skimpy crisply pristine white outfit. A Vajajay teasing short skirt. High-heels like ice picks, and a dorky hat that looks like a Chinese takeout box on top of her head. As soon as you see a busty little looker in this get up, you KNOW that she's not there to take someone's temperature...but to make things RISE, and that Monsieur Patient probably has a curious illness that somehow ONLY gives a torrid fever to his throbbing hard cock.

Sure it can be hot...but really, has ANYONE seen a REAL nurse wear anything CLOSE to that outside a cheesy porno or someone imitating a cheesy porno in say, the last 20 years? Probably not. I'm of course not saying you should sell your hot Hippocratic threads to the thrift store just yet, but maybe, as a change of pace...

I Suggest Instead: "The Philanderin' Physical Therapist"

Physical Therapy babes are hot!


Yeah, yeah, I hear you, not the obvious choice for a swapout...at first glance. BUT, as a pertinent point of fact let me tell you, I've honestly never met a butt-ugly physical therapist. Okay, MAAAAYBE one chick who wasn't a 10 in the facial department, but she was still at least a 7 above the neck, and her and every other PT I've met had a tight, trim saucy body.

Oh yeah, and they were all FLEXIBLE.

I've known tons of guys who've had to go to rehab (the injury one! ) and ended up with a crush on their cute, smart, and capable PT.

I think it's time these unsung SEXY heroines of the medical professional world get the aroused kudos they deserve! Imagine the possibilities ladies if you dressed up as one. Look professional, realistic, yet you can still showoff plenty of cleavage, demonstrate how far you can spread your legs, ANNND bring "props." ( The Swedish Exercise Ball is the new Liberator..Huzzah!! LOL


hot devil chicks are an epedemic in this country ;)

The Farmiliar Classic: "Devil Chick"

Yeah yeah, the fav since time immemorial: pointy plush red horns, plastic pitch fork, fishnet stockings, and a pointy tail. Sexy yes, but been *yawwwn* there, done that. Think you've got the moxie to make an even MORE "bad girl" statement? Don't REALLY believe in The Devil? Then...

How about: "The Amorous Agnostic"




Picture this if you will. Geeky Glasses. A Lab Coat, Form-fitting Dress, short, short skirt and shoes with a big black Riddler-esque giant Question Mark in the middle of your chest...only ALL of your said clothing save the Question Mark is in sheer, see-through clear material or plastic.

At-AAAT!! Noooo pouting!! Just hear me out. You're dressed in the "accouterment" of a lab geek babe to show the Agnog's loving devotion to Reason and Science, YET your clothes COULD be really there, or maybe they're not...you're always wide "open" to the questions and the...uhh...answers...of all comers.

I think it's an idea waiting to pop, in oh-so many ways!!

Cliched Classic: "Catwoman"


Catwoman...


This has been a staple for chick costumes at least since '92. Hot yes, but we get it already. Meow, whip, whip. If it didn't translate into to box-office gold for Halle Berry...then...wellll I think you get the idea. If you must strap on the fetishoulicious catsuit than at least go "Phieffer Cat" or maybe even "Newmar" (Damn those ladies have legs! )

But for something...uhh...different, how about a better idea...


Hot Soldier girls make the world gooo 'round!


Suggestion: "Kommando Kitten" or "The Fiery Femme"


Wanna go as a REAL female superhero, or as a kind of "salute" to them? If you've got the body for it (and if you were thinking Catwoman originally, then you better! lol ) go dressed as one of our fighting women in service. Do you ladies have any IDEA how HOT dudes think it is to see a chick go all "military?" Pretty blue eyes in a "mask" of camo paint? A lass who can effectively let lose with an M-16? Legs for cargo shorts and combat boots? Even the most wimpy guy could get a "woodie" over a woman who can MAKE HIM "drop and give her 20! "

As a brief nod to the "costume cliches" for the dudes, how often have we all seen some buffneck beefcake shirtless firefighter dude in big rubber boots and red suspenders over his perfectly swarthy pecs and rock hard abs that are all chiseled and dripping down slowly with water or sweat, his PERFECT godlike adonis upper body just a-GLISTENING in the sunlight like a picture of heav--

Ummm...err....yeaah....uhhhhhhhhh..............you get the idea! (lol j/k)

How often do we get to see the reverse? PSSST!! Little secret here: us hetero dudes would just as much dig to see say, a well-built VERY naturally busty athletic redhead firefighter in her fire gear with cute freckles on her face, a ponytail, and topless with those red suspenders just BARELY covering her nipples and those large areolas.

If a woman showed up looking like THAT at my Halloween party, I think I'd be the one busting out the hose and "watering her down" at high pressure. Just a thought.

Classic: "Hooters Honey"

Hooters Girls: The best Strippers in Training since 1983


Without doubt ladies if you've dated around you've been with or maybe even MARRIED (or even given birth to ) a young gentleman who digs going to Hooters. Why?? Duuuh!! Everybody knows it ain't for the hot wings and buffalo sauce!! It's for their world-famous "Strippers/Porn Stars in Training!" (Though, I mean that in the kindest possible way, I promise. )

Of course almost all of us, openly or secretly, give "homage" to a lass who can pull off the bright hazzard cone orange 80's cut gym shorts look...but how many women does this REALLY apply to? Have you ever seen a babe who tries to wear this "ensemble" and can't quite pull it off? (There at the Halloween party or in her bedroom back at home, 'cuz it's 3 sizes too small? ) And even if you look SMASHING in your old Hooters kit, who wants to wear a work uniform from days of yore? You don't see ME slipping on my old blue and bright mustard yellow Blockbuster's polos or trying to squeeze into my 30 inch waist work khakis do you?? Let's try...

I Recommend Instead: "The Sonic Seductress"


Sonic carhop chicks are my kind of sexy!


I've got a bit of the "Redneck" in me...I can't lie, and one such institution in Texas and throughout the southwest that inspires restaurant reverence for many is Sonic Drive-in. They have great early morning before college classes fountain drinks, you probably won't end up with brown chocolate dysentery after eating one of their foot-long coney dogs (unlike James Coney Island's ) and their Oreo Blast is an excellent substitute when you don't have time to DQ it up for an Oreo Blizzard. All this is true (in my opinion )

But now in their new advertising they're bringing back the concept of the "Sonic Girl."


Of course not every chick who works at Sonic is hot. (Have you seen some of the "second stringers" at Hooters? Eww ) some don't even do the whole get up..BUT those that do, and the idea of it, get many a man taut in his trousers. Girl-Next-Store pretty chicks with ponytails peakabooing out of the slit in the back of their baseball caps, fit agile bodies in tight pants and tees, serving man food ON ROLLER SKATES!!

I don't know about the rest of you, but seeing a chick who's cute ANND can roller skate engorges me...a lot!

Think about it womenfolks, you can dust off your old two-by-two rollers, show off some moves,and wear knee-high socks!

And finally...

Perennial Classic: "The Chasteless Cheerleader"


Hot Cheerleaders: There's at least 3 at every Halloween party



Ever since we all saw that "Oh Miccckkkkey you're so fine, you're so fine you BLOW my mind..." MTV video we know dudes dig the mysterious erotic allure of pigtails, pom-poms and leg spreading underoo and little kitty-flap-exposing jumps into the air, but the simple fact remains, at least one other chick is going to showup at your Halloween party in a cheerleader outfit...what if hers is better than yours?? Who's gonna remember the second squad girl?? Instead...

I Suggest: "The Dirty Drillteamer"


Drill Team girls: a Texas institution of hotness to rival any cheerleader!


At my high school us dudes KNEW which group of girls were the REAL vixen sexpot chickadees...THE DRILLTEAMERS!! Not only were they curvy-ER and bustier in general, but they had the best practice outfits...a nylon black or spandex full bodystocking kind of thing. And pretty much nothing else.

They were artistic, flexible, scantly dressed right in the middle of a school assembly, were just as flexible as the cheerleaders, had less attitude, had bigger boobs... and they actually PUT OUT but I digress...

Bottomline, if you're more a voluptuous type, you might get better results going as a drillteamer. (Heck, even their NAME sounds naughty! lol )

I think my work is done here. How about you?

What Halloween Costume(s) have you gotten a little tired of seeing?

Do you have a Halloween costume for this year? If so what is it? (or is it a Surprise? )

And lastly, what is your all-time favorite costume that you've worn?

Happy Halloween Daywalkin' Blogsters!!

--Chet


a cheeky vampire blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in generala cheeky vampire blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in generala cheeky vampire blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in general

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