Thursday, June 2, 2011

Punch Drunk Theatre

Or 20 ideas For Entertaining Yourself When You're Punch Drunk, Drunk, Dead Tired, Exhausted from a long Shift at Work, High, Crunk, or all the above!

(My criteria were basically things that were pretty much "stupid funny" or movies/shows that had lots of rather bizarre or different kinds of visual imagery...stuff that really makes you say "hmmm...WHAT THE??" I think you'll be...intrigued.... by my findings...peruse!!)


1. Black Samurai

One of the utterly cheesiest action martial arts flicks of all time...what's not to love about "Mr. Black Belt Jones" a.k.a. Jim Kelly (A.K.A. a double for Barack Obama) deflecting bullets with a samurai sword (pronounce it the gangsta hip hop way by saying it like, "sw-ard" and you'll be cool! ) a midget with a bullwhip who looks like Juan Valdez, and perhaps the worst strip club dance sequence in film history. (Yawwwn)





2. The New Guy

If you find nothing else about this movie funny I guarantee you after getting home off a late shift or having a few beers (or perhaps even being very...uhh....BLUNT with your friends ;) ) you'll find the hero's "Clint Eastwood face" hilarious. (Oh and the fact that the lead actor who plays the ass-for-mentioned "New Guy" looks a lot like a young clone of Ernest P. Worrell. Oh and Eliza Dushku riding a mechanical bull in really tight ass-hugging cowgirl jeans isn't bad to look at either! Though, if you weren't Punch Drunk (or just drunk) this movie would be...very, VERY bad to look at! lol





3. Any MST3K-Riffed movie

Or for those who missed this show when it originally aired Mystery Science Theater 3000. A dorky guy in a jumpsuit and his equally snarky and dorky robot puppet pals watch the cheesiest movies ever made making wisecracks at them while trapped aboard a diabolical mad scientist's orbiting space station (or something utterly absurd like that! ) I particularly recommend their takes on "Cave Dwellers" "Manos: The Hands Of Fate" "The Skydivers" "Megaweapon" "The Day The Earth Froze" "Pod People" the short instructional film"Why Take Industrial Arts?!" and "Space Mutiny" (Seriously, Space Mutiny is like the WHITEST movie...ever!!)



4. The Rocky Horror Picture Show

Disembodied Big Red Lips, Tim Curry as the scariest (yet most eerily arousing :P ;) )) transvestite mad scientist ever...freaky musical numbers, Susan Sarandon in one of the few roles were I actually found her...uhh...kinda...maybe...a tad...HOT. Oh, and did I mention the future "George Washington" is in this? ;)





5. Idiocracy

A "average" Joe soldier (literally) is ordered to participate in a dubious cryogenics experiment with a hooker, but the experiment goes awry and they end up in an "Uhhmerica" 500 years in the future populated by a society of complete trailer trash/ghetto-fabulous idiots. Funny and later after you sober up (from Punch Drunkness...of course! ;) ) you'll also find it somewhat thought provokingly allegorical.





6. I Married A Strange Person

An animated indie/arthouse flick meets a "metalhead's" notebook sketches drawn during a boring high school class. Lots of truly bizarre images and segways...innuendos and W-T-F moments galore.





7. Eraserhead

A "Pinocchio" or an Arthouse retelling of Frankenstein directed by one of the reigning kings of weird/W-T-F cinema David Lynch. Heck, you don't even have to sit through the whole thing...Just see a few clips of this film and you'll know exactly what I mean.





8. Summer School

One of the most under-appreciated school "screwball comedies" I can think of! :P B)





9. Beavis and Butthead Do America

Almost anyone in my generation has watched these animated super-dweebs at some point in our lives. What's better after a hard day's night at work to see two perpetual virgin retards try to "score" and only make asses of themselves? "Uhh...Come...to the Butthead!"




10. A Night At The Opera

Quite simply the greatest of all the Marx Bros flicks. Even though it was made a VERY long time ago...it's still quite funny...surprisingly sly and raunchy for the times. This is actually a great film at any time (Unlike The New Guy) but is particularly hilarious while under the Punch Drunk influence.









11. Beetlejuice

"NICE FUCKIN' MODEL!! *honk honk* "

Pretty much everything that Michael Keaton does in this film is belly-laugh worthy.





12. Commando

The worst and funniest of the "Aruuuld" action flicks. Also so totally and obviously a cheap attempt to capitalize on the "Rambo" trend. Common things you will hear yourself saying throughout this film are "Awww come ONNN Arnold, that's TOTAL B-S!! You NEVER would've survived all that big boom-y shiaaat!" etc, etc.... :D





13. Army Of Darkness

The forever awesome Bruce Campbell. Sami Rami. Evil Dead series. 'Nuff said!!





14. Any Porn Flick pre-21-Century (Particularly those made in the 80's and early 90's )

I don't really think I need to explain this one...but let's just say that in REAAAAL LIFE you have to do a heck of a lot more for a woman (usually) than just be some strange guy who delivers her pizza, cleans her pool, puts lotion on her back, lying in a hospital bed in a "coma" (with a hardon) or just whipping out your dick at any old random time or place...in order for her to want to have vigorous, banshee-level screaming sexual relations with you. But it's funny to watch anyway (if no OTHER...uhh..."emotion" is involved lol )

15. Top Secret!

For those few LOSSSSSER people who have been living under a rock, this is an early Zucker film that is simultaneously a parody of Cold War intrigue/espionage flicks and Elvis movies. The "Straighten Out The Rug" musical number alone earns this movie a place in my punch drunk collection.





16. Dead Alive

An absurbest zombie/undead/horror film that has equally heaping helpings of sardonic humour and W-T-F visual imagery. Directed by the later famous Lord Of The Rings' real-life hobbit-man Peter Jackson.





17. The Trinity cowboy movies

A series of "Spaghetti Western" made parodies of OTHER Spaghetti Western movies...starring a gunslinger character named Trinity who is about as Un-Clint Eastwood-esque as a cowboy hero can get (Walking around frequently in nothing but his underpants, preferring to travel by stretcher behind his horse "ass-dragging" his way from town to town, using his ridiculously quick kung-fu reflexes to biachslap people rather than drawing his gun...his obsessive love of beans) while still looking like Clint Eastwood. Oh, and did I mention his mother is a whore (literally) and his half-brother looks like Bluto? No wait...he IS Bluto!! (A'la Altman's 1980 film Popeye) Utterly absurd and hilarious stuff!





18. Videodrome

Anyone who has ever seen this film knows EXACTLY why I put it on this list. Perhaps THE greatest tripping out/mindfreak sequence involving a main character (or the audience for that matter) in movie history. I'd like to try and explain more...but it's really one of those things that really can only be... experienced. (HINT, HINT: when you see James Woods shirtless in front of the tele' with a revolver...please try and be brave my children...please! :D )





19. Airplane!

"Surely you can't be serious!!"

"I AM serious...and don't call me Shirely!!" ;)

The most hilarious disaster flick...ever. Period.




20. Teeth

A story about a sweet young virgin girl desperate to have her first time and perhaps even find love...did I mention she has a full set of teeth in her mouth? No no, her....OTHER..."mouth." I can tell you people love it already! :P :D





Well...all those suggestions should help you all out considerably, but just in case...

Have any "Punch Drunk " film selections of YOUR OWN that I might've left off the list? (Or deserve to be their more than one of the others?)

Care to comment and share some of YOUR "Punch Drunk" movie favorites?

-- Chet

a cheeky vampire blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in generala cheeky vampire blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in general

1 comment:

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