Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Questions For Chet

I suppose it's past time to dig into he old virtual mailbag before I get taken over by...

a cheeky vampire Texan blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in general


Question: "What did you get for Christmas?"

Chet Sez:
Uhhh.....Stuff....

Look what I got for Christmas!!


Seriously, if you can tell what the heck that is, I'm all ears...and fangs! ;)


Question: "Chet, you're a 'mythical' creature right? So maybe you can tell me, is Santa Claus really real??"

Chet Sez:
First off, I should SPANK you with a jelly-covered whiffleball bat for breaking the ONE major cardinal rule of QFC...NO DOUBLE QUESTIONS!! But, since you have beautiful big jugs, I'll be...nice...

Number 1, I'm not mythical I'm LEGENDARY...

Number 2, Unfortunately Santy Claus exists only in really weird strippin' clubs...

Santa's getting more ripped everyday!

But, I think you knew that already! ;)

Question: " in real life do all Vampires have the same sized fangs?"

Chet Sez:
I'm gonna first be a lil'biaotch and answer your question WITH a question...do you sunshiner folk ALL have the same flip-top heads and toothfahs in those domes you carry mercilessly atop your spindly little necks?? Sheeet-no right?

Well, the same exact thing is true for real Vampires. (And very, VERY fake ones with too much money and time on their hands. :P lol )

While yes, the "bug" that we humans can get to become "Nocturnal Preferential" comes in a fairly standard set of strands/varieties/mutations whatever the hell you call them, it all effects people differently...after all none of us have the same DNA, which is the "base" where the "Vampie" bug gets it start, so it goes from there, what it has to work with.

For example, my galpal Trish is a sugar hyper midget sprite of a Vampire with a small mouth, so compared to mine, she has adorably tiny fang teeth that would make a toy dog laugh. :P

Different Vampire Fangs for different...ummmm...OranguTANGS?? (Rhyming sucks!)


Despite the fact that my best bud Remmy is ghoul-looking on the outside, his fangs are pretty much the standard of what you'd expect to find in a Vampire's cakehole

You'd THINK that being the "black" Vampire in our "clique" of nightstalkies would mean he has HUUUUGE fangs (to go with his TREMENDOUS...love of music ;) ) but alas, his are second smallest (I know because I measured lol )

I think my hottie creator "Soapbox" would be second-largest, or maybe even largest, but not quite sure. (I spend more time when I'm with her looking at her huge teats than" her teeths :D lol)

And what about MINE?? Weeeell...put it this way, there's a reason why my cartoon "ediface" has gigantor canines and leave it at that!!

Annnd, we'll take one more thing quckie question...

Question: "What's the first thing you do when you get up in the mor...I mean evening?"

Chet Sez:
I go home!! (With yo Mamma's money she left on her nightstand for me in my pocket...like every other guy you know! ;)

But seriously, what does EVERY dude do when he first arises?

I make like Rumplestilskin and turn water into liquid gold!

Gee, that WAS all enlightening huh? ;)

Well that about does it for this week but as always...

....if YOU have any questions for yours truly about the Vampire life, pop culture, fine cheeses, whether your cuts look infected, whether you need a boob job, or any others in general, please mail them to me at:

chettacular@yahoo.com


Just make sure you put "Questions For Chet" in the subject so I don't delete your precious email accidentally on purpose without reading it ...

Have an UBER-fantastic Weekend peoples!!

---Chet


a cheeky vampire blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in generala cheeky vampire blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in generala cheeky vampire blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in general

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