Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Questions For Chet

Well Daywalker folks, it's time again to dip into my endless email bag for some more oh-so-exciting...


a cheeky vampire blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in general



"Can Vampires have pets?"

Chet Sez: Sure, as long as the Vampires in question take VERRRY good care of their BBQ pit and have enough A-1 Brand Steak Sauce on hand! (The officially unofficial sponsor of Chet Of The Undead!! lol ;) )

There's nothing like the bold and brassy flavor of a Cat Barbecue!

Hiding from my Dog baebecue is probably a good idea..

Seriously, I don't see why not. Trish has a cat, (along with many, MANY generations of white rats she keeps as her... slaves.) I think Sophie does too, and Tone has had many a talking parrot who he taught to whistle motown songs and give the punchlines to dirty jokes.

Hey, whatever...we live our lives in the wee, wee hours of the morning! (Heehee, I said "wee wee" ;) )

It can get lonely sometimes, doncha know? Though it's also true a lot of us nocturnal folks don't have them because we just live too long, and they don't.

NEXXXXXTTT!!

"Where I am most likely to see a Vampire?"

Chet Sez:
Uhh...Whattaburger?? The local Graveyard? The Whattaburger located INSIDE the local Graveyard?? Jesaaas!! Where would you think?? We're people, just likely everybody else, except that we are out doing our thing when the rest of you are asleep. Keep your eyes peeled folks, it's not like we're THAT hard to spot...

BEHOLD...

Vampires...

Count Von Count whoops ass in Vampire Fight Club!

NOT Vampires...

Creepy Tan MOFO's are definitely NOT Vampires!


(He definitely isn't a Vampie but the dude on the right in the second pic just MAY be undead, AKA the reanimated corpse of an Irish Bog Mummy....Yathink? ;) lol )


"What's Your Favorite Color?"

Chet Sez: Green dude, same as everybody else...unless you happen to be Canadian, then your money can be pink! Bribery with Canadian money is kind of uncool and a little...uhhh....flamey...Geez. ;)

Canada: The most fashionably flamming money in the world!

Who knew Kermit the Frog had such a potty mouth?




"Is There REALLY a Fight or War Between Vampires and Werewolves?"

Chet Sez: As opposed to say, a Vampire and Werewolf tizzie? A slapfight, a hoedown, a pillow pop, a Sack-Tap Festivus, or a tussle? Egaaad, I kinda-sorta doubt it, seeing as how I'm not even TECHNICALLY sure that those hairy deluxe mofos even EXIST, but I suppose we COULD take a look right quick....


Funny Vampires vs. Werewolves

Okay, they DO exist! But I don't think we'll see us and them squallin' anytime soon! ;)



"Is there a job that Vampires like more than any other?"

Chet Sez: Welll, I can tell you what kinda "job" I LIKE more than any other ( *UNZIIIIIIIP*) Oh...uhhh...wait, I think you were actually a guy so...nevermind. Exnay on the double or triple entendre-aaaay. ;) :)

Actually sir, remember that we Vampies are really just the same as you are, except the whole nocturnal thingy, the big pointy sharp nasty teeth thing, and the blood-drinking idiom.... (Mutters: I guess that IS a lot of different things, BTW, who stole my pants? And why am I talking to myself in blog...wait for the shitter-room before you start going insan- ....:) lol )

The point IS, we're just people, or another VARIETY of people, just like you are. And just like you, we have different interests and personalities. Some Vampires are slackers who work late night shifts at dead-end, douchebag-centric jobs for low pay and lots of interesting fodder to complain about. (Yours Truly!) Some work as thieves and shameless whores. Others (Like my "maker" Sophie) are nightime DJs, spinning tunes on dying commercial/College radio for insomniacs, other Vampires, Mommies with crying babies who want to shit all over their diapers, and for whores. Others (Read: TRISH) stay up making weird art and scientific monstrosities for themselves, for snooty uppercrust housewives who like buying avante-guard crap and when the poolboy comes by, instantly BECOME whores. Then, others are so damn old, (Remmy)and have lived so many lives, that they can "retire" and live pimptabulously off their accumulated wealth, with enough payola to buy, I dunno, THOUSANDS upon thousands of whores?

Ya'get the point here? Yeaaah....invest heavily in whores! They're the new blue chip commodity!! Whores will yet kickstart this economy... or perhaps just spread eagle it.... wide open errr...yeah whatever... :)

Peter Griffin loves the Whores!


"In a fight between a Vampire, A Ninja, a Zombie and a Werewolf, who would win?"

Chet Sez: Me. Because I would be the one with the gun!







Great googley moogley!! What's with all the VIO-lence here?? Did somebody pop way too many of their Rambo's children's vitamins this week?? Anyhooo...

...as always IF you have questions that you'd like answered about Vampires, Nocturnal Culture, or dang near anything else you'd like, send them away to ME, yours truly, Chet at....








chettacular@yahoo.com



Just make sure they're marked in the subject line "Questions For Chet" and I MAY use YOUR question in a future blogpost. Cool huh? (pretend to nod here :P )

Have A Fabulous one Blogsters!!

--Chet



a cheeky vampire blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in generala cheeky vampire blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in generala cheeky vampire blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in general

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