Thursday, April 29, 2010

Retrophilla: Mutant League Football!!

Hey you nifty lil'Daywalkers how about we close out the week with a little...

a vampire  blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in general

And one of my all-time favorite little diversions of the days of yore.

Granted I never TECHNICALLY owned a Sega Genesis but my dear Vampiress chickpal and certifiable spastic gamer friend Trish did...and she turned me on to a certain little animated gem of insanity and sports brilliance...a cult classic of animated mayhem called....

Mutant League Football: Football and Hellish Death never looked so good!!

Mutant League Football

It was the early 90's, if you don't recall, or were perhaps too busy ya'know, being squirted out of your Dad in order to fertilize one of your Mum's eggs. People were veging out in droves from the toxic materialistical cloud left behind by the go-go 80's. Stanky flannel was all the rage, as was music made by semi-losers who thought they were edgey but would later shotgun themselves to death for no apparent reason. (Uhh Perhaps he ran out of Heroin?? Twinkies?? Heroin-Flavored Twinkies?? That could do it.)

People were looking for creature comforts...though it SHOULD be CAREFULLY noted only to pet them...not molest said creatures... ( know, just in case "The Man" asks...ssssh!! ;) lol )

And there were few better creature comforts at the time than the then newly freshed out Madden Football

Which was nifty to be sure, but for some truly twisted losers like Trish (and OKAAAAY ME!! ) John Madden's digitized voice screaming "BOOM!!" or "That's what I'm talking about!!" or "Yagotta watch the snap!!" after EVERY SINGLE PLAY (even at Halftime when the digital players were in the lockeroom taking a big digital shit...or perhaps getting lapdances at the en-suite lockeroom strip club from their digital WHITE hos) was just not enough.

(Or perhaps not disturbing enough :P )

Then along came Mutant League Football


But this inner Madden structure wasn't necessarily a bad thing... (Get to that in a minute )

And I would no doubt say that the game's outer skin's personality was more than unique!

For those who have no idea what I'm talking about (but want to try anyway for some odd reason ;) ) Picture in your mind a football game set in Hell...but not just ANY Hell...a Death Metal Punk Geek's idea of Hell...a whimsical jolly ol'Hell populated by Space Aliens, Killer Demonic Farting Trolls, Mutated Super Humans, adorable animated Cyborgs, and happy Giggling Skeletons who've just risen from the grave.

(My only complaint...NO VAMPIRES!!! Where are the Vampires for crisssakes? I LOVE football!! Oh and your Mom...while you're away in school! ;) lol )

And of course, all these bizarre creatures are playing football...but not just ANY's a spiked metal football on a tricked out NFL style football field of Death, just choc'full of delicious little comical boobietraps like exploding landmines, black holes, rocks, spikes, and hellish firepits!

Mutant League Football: Football and Hellish Death never looked so good

But perhaps the greatest obstacles on a MLF field are the Mutants themselves. You see in MLF there are no injuries (injuries are for sissies!!) No, there are only atrocities. In no other football video game before or since is it possible to hit your opponent's running back so hard that his adorable little animated spinal chord can be seen flying through the air, as he fumbles the football on account of his sudden unexpected death and dismemberment.

Egaad, that's gonna hurt!!

Did I mention that the offensive and defensive lines of each team can call "Nasty Audibles" like rigging the football to explode when an opposing player touches it, super speed, rocket packs, and the ability to kill or bribe the referee? (Who when successfully bribed will proceed to call absurd penalties against the other team like a "five-yard penalty for so-and-so wetting his pants")

Of course, none of this is as bad as it may sound to some of you PC types. The "violence" in this game is catoonish at best...completely ridiculous and fun..a parody of the "ultra macho" image that American football projects. It's about as violent as seeing the Coyote blow himself up with at home while trying to pleasure himself with Acme-bought baby oil. (You'd think he'd learn...but NOOOOO!!) ;)

Probably one of the most enjoyable aspects of the game are its frequent "player interview" cut scenes...usually after someone makes a big, or insanely violent play...their trash-talking comments are often quite funny and sometimes even pun...y. :P :)

Coach Bricka: The Awesome Football coach who never ever lived!!

It's hard out here being a Mutant League Football PIMP!!

And if all this measured delightful craziness weren't enough for you remember that this is still a MADDEN GAME at heart. You still gotta call plays (albeit re-named to Mutanized titles like "Slayaction instead of Play Action" or "Draw Blood" in lieu of "Draw run")

You've still gotta try to score touchdowns....well..uhhh...if you want to win straight-up, instead of causing the other team to forfeit by killing most of their players!! ;) lol

Oh and it's also got pretty cool music in my opinion.

Laughs, football, hidden jokes, yucks, and animated fantasy demon creatures...Oh yes, it's all the wonderful blast-from-the-past that is Mutant League Football!!

Try it might like it!!


a cheeky vampire blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in generala cheeky vampire blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in generala cheeky vampire blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in general

1 comment:

Blogger said...

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