Razorblade Smile Reviews: Necropolis
Well it's another Wednesday...and if it's Wednesday hen it's probably time for another....
For today's tonight's flick we have...
Necropolis
Info:
Director-- Bruce Hickey
Writer--- Bruce Hickey
Starring--- LeAnne Baker
Michael Conte
Jacqueline Fitz
Year: 1987
Company: Taryn Productions
The Basic Scoop, The Poop, The Lowdown:
A beautiful peroxided blonde witchy witch apparently from 1690's New Amsterdam is reincarnated as herself in the posh punk inner city filth of 1980's New York, and seeks out souls and something like Satan's class ring as the source of her power...find it, and she can rule the world....FORREEEEEVVVVEEER!! ( Cue obligatory "Muahahahaha" mad laugh here!!")
What's Pretty Good:
Oh yeah folks, this is TOTAL 80's horror chic' and cheese...right down to the main villianess' Annie Lennox style haircut...
....but having SAID all that...there are SOME bright spots, namely that the lead witch chick is actually pretty cute to look at...as is the "Damsel in Distress" babe who's soul said evil hot punky chick is after. The film is set in New York and undoubtedly was filmed right in the Big Apple (as opposed to say, Vancouver, Sydney, Or like Outer Albania like they do nowadays!! :) )
Oh yeah, and it should be noted that this film in large interior part (sounds kinda nasty doesn't it? ;) ) was filmed at Silver Cup Studios also where several significant portions of the cult classic Highlander were also filmed.
(There were several moments in this film where I SWORE I could almost see "The Kurgan" and Connor MacLeod fighting it hardcore style in the background :P lol )
Oh, and it should also be noted that the plot is not, too, too bad for a flick of this genre...as to the plot's EXECUTION however, see below.
What Kinda Sorta Really, Really Sucks:
The dialogue is adorably laughably bad...the villianess witch chick as written is a totally irreverent foul-mouthed unintelligent skank-a-puss (There are times in the movie where if you looks carefully enough, you can see the actors, especially the evil lead look like they're about to crack up majorish. The witches "minions" of ghouls look like they're all clones of the face in the "Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall" from the classic Disney Channel Halloween Special
....she supposedly feeds them "ectoplasm" like milk from her...well...uhhh....you gotta see it to believe it.... but let's just say she gives the mutant hooker chick from Total Recall MORE than a run for her money okay? ;)
Oh yeah, and a note about this "ectoplasm" let us also just say that it looks A LOT like maybe something else...that's quite, warm, sticky, and milked from MALE dairy cows....uhhh....
I think you get the picture in your head...now ENJOY IT DAMN YOU!! ;) lol
There's also this one set that's absolutely hilarious...the "Damsel's" Spartan all brewery bricks studio apartment mixed with Garage Sale Asian decor and old Studio 54 props.
Seriously, I started to wonder if the crew for that OTHER film was going to storm in the shot at some point and say "Uhh we need this space for the gangbang now!! Clear out...we had a deal!!"
One more thing, I noticed this one scene where Evil Witch Baddie...ette is "seducing" a doofus pimp named "Steady Eddie" and I SWEAR it looks like the exact same pimp who got a can of whoopass opened up on him in Crocodile Dundee
Hmmm...maybe he was the go-to "greasy Pimp" guy of the 80's...who knows?? :P
Overall Film Grade: D
Typical 1980's back-of-the-back-shelf-in-the-seedy-strip-mall-video-store-owned-by-a-guy-named-Bubba-Akmed-or-Bukmed film crap.
Scare factor is essentially zero (Unless you count the frightful 80's hairstyles on display!!) but on a scale of 1-10 the Cheese Factor is a solid 7-7.5.
Bottom line, if you have a taste for so-bad-it's-good-cheesy low-budgwt throwaway Horror or Sci-Fi films, you'll probably have a decent time yucking it up as you watch this, but if not, then you should defnitely avoid this flick....STAT!!
---Chet
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For today's tonight's flick we have...
Necropolis
Info:
Director-- Bruce Hickey
Writer--- Bruce Hickey
Starring--- LeAnne Baker
Michael Conte
Jacqueline Fitz
Year: 1987
Company: Taryn Productions
The Basic Scoop, The Poop, The Lowdown:
A beautiful peroxided blonde witchy witch apparently from 1690's New Amsterdam is reincarnated as herself in the posh punk inner city filth of 1980's New York, and seeks out souls and something like Satan's class ring as the source of her power...find it, and she can rule the world....FORREEEEEVVVVEEER!! ( Cue obligatory "Muahahahaha" mad laugh here!!")
What's Pretty Good:
Oh yeah folks, this is TOTAL 80's horror chic' and cheese...right down to the main villianess' Annie Lennox style haircut...
....but having SAID all that...there are SOME bright spots, namely that the lead witch chick is actually pretty cute to look at...as is the "Damsel in Distress" babe who's soul said evil hot punky chick is after. The film is set in New York and undoubtedly was filmed right in the Big Apple (as opposed to say, Vancouver, Sydney, Or like Outer Albania like they do nowadays!! :) )
Oh yeah, and it should be noted that this film in large interior part (sounds kinda nasty doesn't it? ;) ) was filmed at Silver Cup Studios also where several significant portions of the cult classic Highlander were also filmed.
(There were several moments in this film where I SWORE I could almost see "The Kurgan" and Connor MacLeod fighting it hardcore style in the background :P lol )
Oh, and it should also be noted that the plot is not, too, too bad for a flick of this genre...as to the plot's EXECUTION however, see below.
What Kinda Sorta Really, Really Sucks:
The dialogue is adorably laughably bad...the villianess witch chick as written is a totally irreverent foul-mouthed unintelligent skank-a-puss (There are times in the movie where if you looks carefully enough, you can see the actors, especially the evil lead look like they're about to crack up majorish. The witches "minions" of ghouls look like they're all clones of the face in the "Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall" from the classic Disney Channel Halloween Special
....she supposedly feeds them "ectoplasm" like milk from her...well...uhhh....you gotta see it to believe it.... but let's just say she gives the mutant hooker chick from Total Recall MORE than a run for her money okay? ;)
Oh yeah, and a note about this "ectoplasm" let us also just say that it looks A LOT like maybe something else...that's quite, warm, sticky, and milked from MALE dairy cows....uhhh....
I think you get the picture in your head...now ENJOY IT DAMN YOU!! ;) lol
There's also this one set that's absolutely hilarious...the "Damsel's" Spartan all brewery bricks studio apartment mixed with Garage Sale Asian decor and old Studio 54 props.
Seriously, I started to wonder if the crew for that OTHER film was going to storm in the shot at some point and say "Uhh we need this space for the gangbang now!! Clear out...we had a deal!!"
One more thing, I noticed this one scene where Evil Witch Baddie...ette is "seducing" a doofus pimp named "Steady Eddie" and I SWEAR it looks like the exact same pimp who got a can of whoopass opened up on him in Crocodile Dundee
Hmmm...maybe he was the go-to "greasy Pimp" guy of the 80's...who knows?? :P
Overall Film Grade: D
Typical 1980's back-of-the-back-shelf-in-the-seedy-strip-mall-video-store-owned-by-a-guy-named-Bubba-Akmed-or-Bukmed film crap.
Scare factor is essentially zero (Unless you count the frightful 80's hairstyles on display!!) but on a scale of 1-10 the Cheese Factor is a solid 7-7.5.
Bottom line, if you have a taste for so-bad-it's-good-cheesy low-budgwt throwaway Horror or Sci-Fi films, you'll probably have a decent time yucking it up as you watch this, but if not, then you should defnitely avoid this flick....STAT!!
---Chet
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