Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Razorblade Smile Reviews: Black Samurai

We've got another heapin' helpin' of....

a cheeky vampire blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in general

and for tonight's feature we have...

a cheeky vampire blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in general

Black Samurai (or Robert Sand: The Black Samurai)


Director-- Al Adamson

Writers---B. Readick (Screenplay)
Marc Olden (Novel)

(Shiaaaat, you mean this film is based on a NOVEL??? NOOOO WAAAY!)

Starring---Jim Kelly
Billy Roy
Marilyn Joi

Year: 1977

Company: BJLJ International

(I'll let you the reader fill in what you think those initials stand for! ;) lol )

The Basic Scoop, The Poop, The Lowdown: Robert Sand (Kelly) a super secret agent of a government spook group called D.R.A.G.O.N. ( or Defense Reserve Agency Guardian Of Nations...yeah...whatever!) has to rescue his hot (for the 70's) Chinese girlfriend (Joi) from an uber uncool old Codger who goes by "The Warlock" (Roy) and also just happens to be a drug kingpin Voodoo Priest (yeah, that's what I said) before he gets his dorky ass hands on some completely unknown and almost totally unexplained weapon (even in the dialogue) called "The Freeze Bomb."

What's really frightening is it probably took me longer trying to write that paragraph explaining the plot than it did the writers to crank out the script. Really!

What's Pretty Good: Jim Kelly kicking dudes asses....and.........ummmm........that's....that's about it.

What Kinda Sorta Really, Really Sucks: Rather than just emphatically yelling "EVERYTHING" let me give you a quick running list of stuff you have to look forward to IF you choose to undertake this film....

--A black "Samurai" hero who mostly uses Chinese Kung-Fu and Boxing moves
-- A Black Samurai hero who can dodge/deflect bullets with his sword
-- A Black Samurai hero who walks around carrying a long-tubed mini-flamethrower in the crotch area of his red track suit (Gee, nothing SUGGESTIVE about that all!!)
--- ridiculous henchmen and villains. (Lookout for the whip-cracking midget!)
--- sets that are SUPPOSED to take place in exotic, around-the-world locations when it's painfully obvious they're just really, really small California backlots.
---numerous technical flaws
--- Memorable lines like, "Come on, COME ON CHUMP!!" and "That's riiiight Turkey, you'll NEEEEVR walk again!!"
--- quite possibly the WORST car chase sequence in the 1970's
--- adorable "Charlie Brown Special cartoon sound effect" when thugs are knocked/kicked to the ground
--- the absolutely WORST strip club/striptease sequence ever filmed!

and much, MUCH more!!

Overall Film Grade: D-

(Reason why it's not an F? See below!)


Rff/Bad Movie Fun Factor: A+++++ to infinity!

Before we trash it too much... let's not forget WHY someone should watch this movie....PRECISELY because it is so very VERY bad!!

It' is one of THE quintessential cliche' "Blaxplotation" late 70's era films...right down to the turkaaaay lingo and Jim Kelly's ginormous "Tree Head" afro! I'm honestly surprised that the masters of riff themselves...or A.K.A. Mystery Science Theater 3000 NEVER screened this film on their show....or if they DID I must've missed it. (In which case, if SOMEBODY knows where this episode is, I want the link emailed to me STAT! :) )

I cannot recommend this movie more highly on the cheesy movie scale. It's not too long, so it doesn't overstay its welcome and every scene is just filled with great laughs. Watch it over a beer (or BLOOD) with your friends one'll have a good time making up your own laughs from this...I promise!!

To quote Robert Sand, AKA Jim Kelly one more time here "Well.............I...I guess that's the end!!"

I guess it is, Jim, I guess it is!! :)

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