Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Chet's New Years Resolutions 2010

For The Culture At Large:





More of a sense of Humour--- I dunno, MAAAYBE it's just me, but it seems as though the whole freakin' country is depressed, on-edge and totally TOO P-C lately. Maybe, just maybe we all need to have a little more fun and laugh a heck of a lot more!






More Individualism---- Be yourself, not a collective or an interest group. After all, it doesn't take a village to raise a child...only your own two hands...and....uhhh....maybe a FORKLIFT if he's like, really, REALLY tubby! :P











In Politics:





Less spending--- can we PLEAAASE for five damn minutes stop with all the 100's of bizillion dollars worth of spending in every bill that comes along in ze state and federal governments as of late, pretty please, with a perky stripper named "Sugar" on top? I swear, if the next Bill I hear about is a 999 Billion dollar grant to study 99 red balloons in flight, and/or the" long term effects of cream pie exposure on clowns genital areas and sexual performance" then I'm moving to the high, HIGH freaking Andes in Peru!! (they have the coolest rainbow knit toboggan hats there, don't they? I looooove hats!! lol)









No more leaders that come off as cardboard cutouts and brain-dead hacks--- are those goofy airhead wax puppets in leadership on the "Left" ANNND the "Right" REALLY the best we can do?? Comeon people let's put down the bowls for a bit and let's all MAN UP already!




(unless of course that bowl happens to be filled with Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Pops Ohh OOOH and Mac and Cheeeese!! Then by all means, eat that gorgeous ambrosia up!! Then...uhhh... man up. lol )






For Blogging Sites:





Can Google's Blogger PLEASE stop sending me the "Blank Page?" --- Every now and agin whilst using Blogger, I get this funky-ly annoying glitch that sends me ENDLESS loading attempts of my blog page via Microsoft's WONDERFUL Internet Explorer...seriously, it like tries to load it 7 times in a row or more in like separate tabs...ENOUGH of that shite! Thank you! ;)






More Blog Foot Traffic out the Wazoo--- I'm going to do all I can this year to try to amp my blog's cultural impact to the maximum Ultra Magnus level...it'd be really, REALLY SPIFFY if you blogger provider dudes would help me do the same. I plan to be "shopping around" trying my bloggie format on different sites this year, may the best one win!!






The NFL:







No more long-ass hair and Ghetto BLING--- I swear, every time I see that dude for the Steelers in that Head and Shoulders ad, I want to hurl! If they're allowing everybody in the league to look as grizzly mountaimanish as they like under their helmets, and down on to their jerseys, their nads, their teammates nads etc then it should be PERFECTLY legal for the opponent on the other team to use their long-ass manes to yank them down with!! If you want to look like Jesus or a rockstar fine, but if you want to be a professional athlete, then it's called a RAZOR son...USE IT!!







Less dumbass plays and formations--- can someone PLEASE tell me what in the heaping hell-a-ma-jig the "Wildcat" is? And who's freakin' BRILLIANT idea was it to come up with the "Swinging Gate?" Shouldn't that, I dunno, be technically illegal??







Less General Incompetence on and off the Field--- does EVERY offensive drive have to end in an interception or a fumble nowadays?? THREE missed easy field goals in a row, Houston Texans, HOW is that even possible?? Is there no such thing as a "late hit" anymore or pass interference or roughing the passer? Can today's QB's throw the ball routinely any further than 20 yards on a single pass? Why did some dumbass change his last name to Ochocinco and why did the NFL let a clown like that continue to play??I KNEEEW there was some reason (or 100 ) why I stopped regularly watching professional football 10 years ago...hmm...






Hollywood/Celebrityville:



Make more movies and TV shows for EVERYBODY--- Can we all say "Enough" to the shows, movies and TV specials that are not-so-secretly-secretly promoting causes of one type or another!! It's about FUN remember?? Don't leave USA Network as the only ones with the good stuff anymore!!



If I wanted preaching dangit I'd go to my local church with a bottle of Crown Royale and no pants!



it's a very liberal Reformist NeoCubist Ecleticalist Sect...if you must know... lol



Less reality TV--- Bear Grylles and Les Stroud exempt of course!! (Particularly Bear Grylles! )




Less "total career collapses" and sudden unnatural deaths--- I tell you if in the coming months we find out that Snugglebear has been cheating on his longtime wife Rainbow Bright with an endless bevvy of Baltic hooker escorts, Elmo and Barney are busted together in a 27-month Kiddie porn sting, and Betty White has passed away suddenly after being vaporized by a fallen meteorite from space made of kittens, I swear all my faith in humanity will be crushed, just crushed! :)







For Me:



Learn something new everyday-- Because it's fun and good for the Brain LemlimeJello! ...and chicks dig it!



Eat more Bacon




Date at least five hot chicks by summer...and all for FREE!! (for a change :P lol)





Soooo....now it's YOUR turn....again...



What changes would you like to see in yourself or in life in general this year? What's on top of you list?


What are you wearing on top right now? LOL ;)

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