Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Celebrity And The Single Vampire

Caption: Okay, MAAAAAAYBEEE she could "stun" me with star sickness... if she were still around, *sniff sniff* :(

Last night I was parlaying with one of my vampie pals on the screaming cowboy messenger about life and celebrity....

And it got me to thinking about my true feelings on the art and age of celeb-dom in general...

So, A brief personal story....

Seriously, I PROMISE I'll TRY to be brief :P :D even by Y'alls standards...seeing as how I'm NEVER a brief guy...

(Boxer briefs, boxers, or commando, but never just briefs...no tighty whiteys! :D HA!)

Anywaaaaaay....so I was once a reporter (in my second or third youthful life, since I am immortally young enough looking to pull it off) way back in the day when wooly mammoths, saber tooth cats and messy haired rocker wannabe kids in flannel shirts, black-rimmed eyeglasses, and stubble beards with frappachinos roamed the earth... a high school sports reporter and feature columnist to be exact.

(It was tough, and I had to stay inside quite a bit during the day...but I needed to "update" my edumacashun credentials yet again....besides a high journalism department's darkroom is a GREAAAT place to recharge and recoup from sunlight exposure...not to mention a great place for making out with really smart nerdy newspaper chicks. ;) :D lol)

Anyway, as per my duities, I had to cover this pep rally ma-jig at our local rival's school, but it was for the whole district. It was to be the usual motivational stuff, be good little slaves to the state, don't smoke Pez, don't ask too many questions or you'll be pimpslapped AND bitchslapped by the Man, stay in school and all that jazzy jazz...and the Fresh Prince.

Annnd...let us say they invited this rather famous member of the somewhat nearby Houston Rockets (Though the Spurs are even closer...err...I think :P ) to be this school district pep rally's keynote speaker (He's like a major colour analyst dude now on TV!!) and thus as a sports dude it was mine and my partner sports dude's job to go and try being apart of this whole circus fiasco of press maddness and piz-ZAAZ!!

Well me and my white chocolate dawg hommie were new young reporter scrubs at that time, so we were more than happy, practically doing happy little Irish jig with a full bladder peepee dances to prove our savvy in getting the scoop here.

We got to said enemy territory high school two hours early, managed through lots of dirty digging and bribes of candy, study group answers and sheer manwhoring charm( on MY part, of course!! lol ;) ) to know EXACTLY which entrance this basketball superstar would be arriving at the school from. We felt great, like masters of our domain...like warrior kings of press-tress-ence for acquiring such uber-top-secret information...

(Until we made it outside and saw the HUGE crowd of girls with glittered up homemade welcoming signs! )

Nevertheless, we still beat most of those local press suckah-fools to the LZ, (or to be more accurate you might say SUV-LZ) and staked out a prime real estate position for video camera use, microcassette recorder microphone, and for sniping off superb photos. (Nah, we didn't need the video being a newspaper, but my partner was always desperate to impress and actual video footage of us beating PROFESSIONAL reporters to the question punch might just impress... a good guy he was yes, but also quite the state certified brown noser too!! ;) )

The downside to getting all this reportage prime locationalization was that we had to listen to these two upperclassman girls from our sworn high school enemy :P ramble on for an hour and a half telling us about all their OTHER celeb stalking...err...I mean sports fan GROUPIE experiences... :P lol

(I mean seriously, how many times do I need to hear that Craig Biggio is a douchebag because he wouldn't sign your boobies when you were in Houston...err...wait, it might've been her dog's Astros T-shirt..or something...hmmm... ;) )

Still, the more they talked the more I started to understand WHY they always seemed to have encounters with "rude" celebs.

Another thing that amazed me was how serious these two took all this...and how many completely useless factoids these poor girlies knew about the ultra-famous basketball dude. I mean seriously, I HAD to be there on that Friday night and actually ATTEMPT to do backstory research for my...err...I mean OUR article :P

The whole time I'm thinking. "Ladies you DO know that there are more important things in life than knowing how many different cars this b-ball hero guy owns.."

(.like say, out getting properly laid by muscularly athletic teen boys...with KEGS OF BEER! IN THER BACKYARD!)

Hmmm...then again, maybe that was their whole problem. :P :)

Then, the irony became all too clear to me.

About ten minutes before this whole shin-dig was supposed to drop, and this ultra famous basketball star was supposed to give his speech, his entourage caravan of SUVs finally shows up (Lincoln Navigators I believe)

Two white, and one black in the middle....(Gee, care to guess which one our VIP was in? :D )

So, yeah HE, the man of the hour gets out, and what was funny was that these two girls who had been so stone-faced, so fatter...err...I mean MATTER-a-factly about this whole process and jaded sounding toward celebs, were now enthusiastically screaming their heads off like deranged idiotas...hurting my lobes. Oh and all the other people who had filed out to this back entrance area long after us were screaming loudly too

And so, I'm only about ten feet from this "basketball legend." I raised my voice with command, not like a horny kid about to ejaculate all over himself in giddy hero worship, but just like some dude with AUTHORITY. I called out to this famous "sports hero" looked him square in the face, flashed my dinky little lamenated High School press pass, and asked my questions...and YESS he looked me in the eye as best as he could with the other local newsies camera spotlights on him from behind us, and tried to answer them.

Took me seriously? Eh, I don't know...I guess he did...frankly, I think this cat was more surprised than anything, that these little Podunkville High School newspaper boys could muscle up through the local papparaz-insanity.

So yeah, for one night in local TV-News-land, the back of my head was famous.

(Soon to be eclipsed in fame and imfamy by other "parts" of mine due to the wonders of 21 century computer technology and blackmail schemes...but nevertheless I digress :P :D lol )

The point of this whole VampSeop's fable of mine is...all through this whole trampling media circus breu-ha-ha thing, as I stood there with this celeb guy I was thinking... "What the FACK is all this??"

He's just a guy man.

Seriously...like that guy who saw one of Bob Saget's characters suck dick for coke... "I'seen'um!!" :D

Up close.

Hell, I was close enough I could see the wrinkles around his eyes...are the "immortal gods of Olympus" supposed to get wrinkles??

I was not in awe at all.

I guess maybe I learned that day (as with later "encounters" I'd have with some famous types) that I was "immune" to celebrity. That maybe I was incapable of getting that "funny feeling" creeping up my leg when a certain star was in the room. Maybe I can really see them for who they are. Just people, in the end, just people!

But I suppose on some levels it's fun too. :)

In any rate, that's my take, how about yours?

Ever Met or "Encountered" A Famous Celebrity??

If so, what was the experience like for you??

Are you the type who gets "star struck?" Or are you more the type who takes it all in stride?

If you HAVEN'T ever met a Celebrity, would you want to? If so, who??

1 comment:

Allie said...

I've never met a celebrity, per se, but I do see our mayor more than most. I dont get "star struck" by him, but I see others who do.

However, if I ever met Kevin Costner, I probably WOULD get star struck. Not b/c I think he is cute (he is attractive, but this is not the reason), but b/c I LOVE/ADORE his movies. Especially Dances with Wolves (which has me thinking...are vampires afraid of wolves?). Actually, I have never, ever, ever seen the end of that darned movie b/c I get so distressed at the part where John Dunbar is getting beat the $h!t out of and the army is tearing up his journal. I have ssen that movie probably 50 times, and yet I still cannot get past that part!

If were a guy, I'd be a pantiewaste.

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