Friday, August 1, 2008

RANT # 6: The Conformity Of "Coolness"

Mood: Morbidly indifferent
Season: Still Summer (Still sweatin’ in my boxers, Part II)
Time: About 3:15 A.M.


Lemme ask you Daywalker bloggy-dork-friends, why do so many of your kind try so hard to fit into a group? Why are so MANY of you (in the “general you” sense) so much alike? Many of you follow trends like tasty little lemon drop lemming peoples…and do whatever-ish the tele’ says…

Even though we both know Oscar The Grouch and the ever-chocolate-chippdy addicted Cookie Monster are both WAY cooler than that other purple puppet monster anyway.

(Wait a secundo…does Sesame Street EVEN have Telly on there anymore or did that little ruby-red antichrist with the munchkin voice Elmo-slap him into oblivion in one of many of Sesame Street’s dark and seedy back alleyways?)




Caption: That Elmo never pours out some liquor to the puppet homies that are gone...'cuz HE'S THE ONE WHO PUT'UM THERE!!

It’s in a rough, rough neighborhood man!
Only a block over from Hell’s Kitchen.




Caption: ON Camera.....

I hardly watch the show anymore, seeing as how I’m usually either asleep or getting ready for siesta at that time….

….ANNNND seeing how it’s a show for kids and I’m an adult….


well….internet keyword: allegedly!



Caption: OFF Camera!

Eh, no matter.

My point’s still valid.

Worse yet, why do so many of your daywalker brethren and sisteren try to be something they’re not.

Really, I see it all the time…every night….and even sometimes while it’s still technically day.

Why? Because it’s my job…or…err….what I’m supposed to do.

Duur…keen hearing and extra sensitive sense of smell that lasts an exta, extra, EXTRA long time…HA!

Vampires are basically biologically built for people-watching. (Apex pale carnivore at your service!) We’re made to notice everything. The way someone walks, how fast or slowly, whether they have an old injury from youth that didn’t heal up quite right, so now they limp a certain way. An unconscious twitch of the eyes that indicates probable fatigue…which would in turn make them an EXCELLENT target for a feeding….IF we nocturnal humans were still into getting our fill the….old fashioned way.

STRICTLY hypothetically speaking….but of course! (Mysteriously evil wink to instigate a “is he kidding or NOT??” look of fear…)

You just don’t pay attention anymore…but WE have to. It’s practically automatic. Seriously, give me five minutes or LESS… and I can tell if you’re a smoker (whether you’re lying about it or not) if you’re a heavy drinker (and what you like to drink), how sexually “open minded” you are, whether you’re a religious fanatic for the “Church of Latter Day Beets” (A.K.A. a VEGAN) or perhaps just a fanatic in general, among other things.

After all, wouldn’t want to give away ALL my suavely sly vampy stealth information gathering/observing methods now, would we? (Winkdy, wink wink!)

On that note, I gotta tell you normie people give yourselves away all the time.

Quite a few of you put up masks, you try to hide in some of the silliest things. Really, do some of you white boy/girl suburbanite cracker-fawls not see that putting “rims” on your “whip” listening to “urban contemporary” music from 16-inch Kenwoods and getting a tat on your lower back does not make you “cool?”

Well….okaaaaay…NECESSSARILY.


Why do you so many of you buy into something that you can’t REALLY honestly relate to, or doesn’t address ANYTHING about the culture and place where you come from?

How many AUTHENTIC, “African-American” and Hispanic “OG’s” from “the Hood” for instance, do you see listening to Carrie Underwood, Garth Brooks, Johnny Cash, The Who, AC/DC and Duran Duran? (Even though that last one SUCKS!!) Or wearing cowboy kicker threads, getting blond highlights in their hair…or saying, LIKE TOTALLY white-isms like, LIKE TOTALLY and THREADS?



‘Course not…they’re not trying to be anything except what they are.


Or maybe it’s more accurate to say….they already KNOW who they are.

Do you?? (Again, generally speaking)


Or is it that you’re embarrassed of where you come from? That no “drama” ever goes down on the dark, mean streets of Preppywood Estates?

That your people, culture, or you yourself ain’t TOUGH enough or BAD enough?

Why are so many people today so insecure with themselves that they have to try and “adopt a “pre-fabricated” hip persona?

It’d be new and different to do a persona that wasn’t really all that…cool!

Does it really MATTER if your “tramp stamp” or bicep tattoo is any different from your peeps…if ALL your peeps, three blocks and three towns over, all have them too?

Doesn’t matter whether you do it with Chinese characters, tribal designs, musical notes, or whimsical mini-clown heads, “barbed wire bicep” style tattoo is STILL a barbed wire style bicep tattoo!!




How does that really make YOU appear unique or express YOUR own individuality?

If you REALLY wanted to get a tat AND be somehow completely different from everyone else on the planet, you’d get one on the bottoms of your feet…or around your nostrils….or INSIDE your nostril…or all over your face, your dog’s, or your buddy’s, or even your buddy’s dog’s face!!



Caption: At least doing something like these would be a BIT different than the pack! (snicker, snicker!)

EGGGGAD!! I’ve just hit on an idea of pure evil GENIUS!! HUZZZAH!!


(Yess…it’s only half-serious smirk time.)

See, I don’t really have a choice…as a vampiric nocturnal human being, I HAVE to be different…I have to be an individual….I HAVE to be unique…or…err…ALMOST unique.


Not that I’d choose any differently, even if I had been able to choose this life. I guess that’s yet another blessing of being hardly ever able to see the sun again and having your circadian rhythm permanently altered…it gives ye plenty of practice for going it alone…or mostly alone…since they’re aint that many normie humans or otherwise moping around hungry at 3’o’clockish in the wee hours of the morning.

When there aren’t too many peers hovering over your shoulder, you have to start really reflecticating on what you REALLY like and what’s TRULY important to you. There’s no one else there to make the decisions for you or to take your cues from.

Per examplo, scribbling away here is gradually becoming less and less important to me as a caveman ravenous style din-dins craving for sausage and egg taquitos. I’m all by my lone-ies here, so I ALONE must make the decision to SUBMIT to the primal urge for a fast food faux Mexican breakfast!

I guess I really wasn’t as indifferent deep down as I thought I was!

Ehhh….Sorry blog-folk, guess I’s just a tad cranky tonight… probably from seeing too many of the same look-alike peoples on my way to work earlier.

I guess my point, more or less, is that it's not necessarily bad to listen to these types of music, or to alter your body necessarily in tatted glory...but to know deep down why YOU ARE PERSONALLY doing it, because it's important to YOU...and not just because it's what's "cool" right now...yaknow?

Ah bugger…Friday will be here soon enough! Huzzaaah, Part II!

And when does a Whataburger run NOT cure all of one’s (or dare I say all of society’s) ills?





Caption: ONWARD my children, let'us away from that foul temptress Hunger to an Oasis of light, joy, and more importantly, MEAAAT!! ;)

(A sweet fangy southern charmy smile for you all here.)

Have a good weekend AND….

Kiddies, make sure you brush your fangs…err…I mean TEETH at least twice daily,

Chet

4 comments:

Jonny Macabre said...

Why do people have to belong to a group? I guess it's a basic human desire to belong.

You also touched on: Why do white people feel the need to do black things like have rims?

That's got me stumped.

Victoria Von Swarovski said...

More importantly what the hell is up with people hanging fake balls on the back of their truck.
I mean come ON as if the world didn't already know the reason your truck is huge is because there's nothing in your pants. You don't have to make it any more of a penis.
Oh, and Planet Unicorn is AMAZING.
Maybe if I brushed my fangs more I wouldn't need so much dental work. Dang.

Chet Of The Undead said...

Johnny Macabre--- "You also touched on: Why do white people feel the need to do black things like have rims?

That's got me stumped. "


You got me too man...I have no clue and I'm so phreakin' white bruthas could wear me from a platinum chain like bling to BLIND other buthas. :P ( har har )

But in all seriousness...it all come down to the lack of individual Identity yaknow? Sometimes I think it's just the dumb kid phase for them, and as they get older they'll figure out how they REALLY are...but others are a lot older and still didn't get the message or figure that stuff out for themselves...and many of those people can be really phreakin' sad...poor souls! :P

Chet Of The Undead said...

Victoria Von Foxy...err...I mean uhh....whatever RTC-

More importantly what the hell is up with people hanging fake balls on the back of their truck.
I mean come ON as if the world didn't already know the reason your truck is huge is because there's nothing in your pants. You don't have to make it any more of a penis.


Oh but they DO...and I can tell you how in two words (okay, actually 2 1/2....dang compound words :P )

FLOW-MASTER TAILPIPES

E-Gaad...some of those things stick out like a redneck at a Black Panther Party meeting...

Bleh...the things some men will do to make up for their low self-esteem and to see the opposite sex more...as a hole....err...I mean WHOLE ;) lol

) lol :)(mutters as he closes "good thing I don't have to worry about that ENHANCEMENT crap!"

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