Tuesday, July 15, 2008

RANT # 4, DAY # WHO CARES

Mood: Destress-er-riffic!
Season: Still Summer (Now I definitely know it!)
Time: About 6:45 A.M. (give or take a few nanoseconds)


Yeaaaap….it was another Monday.

ANNND as it has been another Monday It’s been a long night’s day at work, and now I’m just trying to relaxify on my old pleather chesterfield and perhaps enjoyth the sunrise…

…from my apartment window…..wait a sec….my pad doesn’t have any windows!!

Really, how are you going to have windows in a near basement style apartment?

What? Taking an apartment in the pits of renter Hell was far cheaper…and besides it’s not like I need the view much anyway.

Claustrophobia is for PANSIES!!

So how then do I unwind, ye ask?

Again for the sake of my humour-nesscence PRETEND you did anyway!

I like Nintendo.


Oh heck no, not that totally graphic-orgasmic fest of lights and soundage called the Pii-pee or the Vee…or whatever in the heck-a-ma-jig it’s called….

Think far retro-er than that…






Game and Watch?? Too far…but I like where you’re going with this so keep wrasslin’ with this epically intense logic problem for a few more seconds….you’ll get there my special SPECIAL friend…I promise!

Yeah, I like my NES style…






(QUIT IT…I see you making that crossy eyed-eyes-rolling-out-at-me-like-I’m-some-codger-retard-who-throws-his-poo-at-you-like-a-gibbon-monkey-retard-face!!)

Gibbon monkey?? Hmmm…perhaps that’s a little too redundant!

Anyway…yeah, I play the Nintendo as it was originally designed….okay well ALMOST originally designed….had to spring for that newer one they released back in ’93…you know, the rounder one they redesigned to look like some fancy-schmacy 16 bitish mega machine to sucker foreigners into buying a crappier machine so they could make double payola when the be-fuddled customers had to come back and buy the better one too!





Pure evil genius!!

And a runon constipated sentence!

Yeah, the original square rhombus one (yet MORE redundant language) I had from back in 1989 or so bit the dust when my equally original pegleg parakeet Commodore Stumpy decided to diarrhea himself to death on it and then crawl up around the lid for where the gamepaks go to thus end his days.

Exciting info no?

No really, the Commodore WAS a pegleg…born without one of his birdie feet…I just had to have him!

There are few joys in life like owning a pet who is a genetic freakazoid.

Anyhoo…it’s amazing how we humans, and even vampy mutated humans like me cope with our lives.

Nostalgia becomes ridiculously important. Don’t even pout bookfriend, you KNOW it’s true!

We go back, again and again to what makes us comfortable….


Marshmallows, hula hoops, Red Rider BB guns, certain movies ABOUT the quest for Red Rider BB guns, jean jackets, Pee Wee Herman…




Caption: Man, no need to be skeerd...I'm not judging!! (snicker snicker)

HEEEY! I’m not saying YOU’RE the one I’m talking about who has the ENTIRE Pee Wee’s Playhouse playset with all the figures, a life-sized Jambi wishing box puppet, an autographed copy of Paul Reubens’ mugshot from that Sarasota theatre and every single episode of Pee Wee’s Playhouse on DVD…





Caption: WIIIISH?? Did somebody say WISSSH?? (uhh...Noooo.)

Well…necessarily!

Wink wink!!

So yes, I have my Nintendo fetish.

I dunno, something about the off-fully loud colours, downgraded detailess sprites, and that 8-bit sound system makes me moist! HA!

It just seems reassuring to me, that there are some things…besides me… that don’t change over time.

What made them great then, still makes them great now, even if everyone UN-Great around us has gone on with their lives, to bigger, badder, and louder with more motion sickness…induced while your still sitting still in a Rainbow Bright beanbag chair in your Mum’s basement….

We can still hunt Dracula together…me and my virtual bud-dage Simon Belmont a’la Castlevania II: Simon’s Quest.




Caption: Drac sez from the balconey--- "O-M-GAWWWD....Simon you look....FAAAAABULLLOUSSS!! *air kiss* "

What?? It’s not like Drac as the vampire is REAL or anything…and even if he was, ‘tis not like it really looks like Dracula in the final stage of the game anyway…more like a living bag’o’bones wrapped in a puke colored Hefty trashbag or something. Vampire solidarity and protecting my own spritely undead bretheren?? Phuck that man!!


It seems ironic yes, but whatever, if a game about hunting and killing vampires is as retro-riffically cool as the Castlevania series, I’m going to waste my vast amounts of lifetime on it…and enjoy the wasting away of said time immensely…especially when it comes to Simon’s Quest.

Oh LOOKIE LOOKIE! I beat Berkley Mansion and got Dracula’s Rib….yet again.





Caption: HEY HEY HEY!! Whereyou think'ere going sonny?? Do you have a hallpass?? Hey hey hey!! Don't you just walk away from me...I'm keepin' my EYE on you PUNK!!

No, not that much Blogsy, I’ve only beaten this game about 20,000 times in the last 16 plus years…why do you ask?

Repetitive?? So what?? It’s not like I have anything better to do with my nearly immortal existence.




Besides, there’s something awfully relaxing in whipping the shit out of green ghosty phuckers who run around looking like Worf from Star Trek in a fat chick’s nightgown…




Oh yeah and you gotta admit, whether you like this game or not, it has one of the coolest music soundtracks ever.

It’s like…meditation.


Hell, one of these days I might ACTUALLY get around to telling you about where I work…but for now I have some laurels to buy with my new well whipped up hearts…

What a wonderful night to have a curse!! (Or morning…as the case may be!)

Until Next time…

GO AWAAAAAAY!!

Ha…just kidding,

Chet

4 comments:

Amanda said...

Jambi...meca-leca-hi-mecha-heini-ho...

;)

individually wrapped slices said...

I used to have Snoopy Tennis like that little Game and Watch thing. But I could never play it because at home, I would be watching tv. In the car, I would get carsick. And on the toilet, I was reading.

Go figure.

Chet Of The Undead said...

Amanda RTC- What can I say? Jambi was the bee-phreakin'-knees!!

lol awesomeness! :)

Chet Of The Undead said...

Individually wrapped slices RTC---

Well yeah, I mean the every man's toilet is his Libray of Congress...youknow, Tom Edison used to get his best ideas when he was taking a crap...

Hell, thank gawd he had a mecha-godzilla level case of diarhea on the weekend he came up with the idea for the light bulb or we'd of never had the...uhh....LIGHTBULB yeah!

(Light Brites make the world go round! LOL :) )

The UN-Playlist!


Get a playlist! Standalone player Get Ringtones