Thursday, July 3, 2008

Chet's Fourth of July To-Do List

1. Sleep

2. Sleep

3. Get up and about 1:30ish in the afternoon, take a piss

4. Go back to sleep.... for some more sleep of course!

5. Wake up (finally!) at 4:35-ish.

6. Kill up some breakfast (if by KILL one means pouring some Cap'n Crunch into a big bowl.)

7. Get dressed and mostly presentable.

8. Stagger out to the grocery store and buy a bunch of shit (beer, steak, steak, beer, brats, steak, steak. steak...)

9. Start preparing to fire that delicious meaty shit goodness up....

10. Slam back a few shots of Goat's blood whiskey.

11. Call Vamp buds.

12. Slam back a few MORE shots of Goat's blood whiskey, then call buddettes. Try to play off bad jokes as the "buzz" talking.

13. Have a Barb-OHHH-Q party with WAY too many peeps and vampire peeps for my zhity apartment and entire said apartment complex.

14. Sing really, REALLY bad karaoke.

15. Have neighbors banging on walls and door telling me to knock that zhit off.

16. Bang on walls back at them in response, ask friend to go get his chainsaw, rev it up as close as possible to wall shared by neighbor, include faux murderous screams of friends ( trying not to crack up laughing and posing as OTHER "complaining neighbors." )

17. Complaints through walls then curiously and mysteriously cease. Continue laughing our asses off..

18. Fun with M-60's, Black Cats, Roman Candles and Cherry-Ba-Bombs at random targets (beer cans, uneaten portions of watermelon, Blue Bell, men with gerrycurls etc.)

19. More beer, whiskey, gratuitous nudity, and fireworks fun had by all. Bribe Po-Po's who eventually come to door with all the grilled brauts they can eat and topless/nekkid dancing. Not necessarily in that order, or necessarily performed by women! LOL! ;)

20. Pass out into slumberland once it is all over thankful that he hasn't blown his hands ( or any other more "popular" parts of his anatomy) off....with fireworks.

Gee, Freedom is FUN isn't it? LOL

Have A Happy Fourth of July!! :)


Sheri said...

Happy 4th to you also! Sounds like you have a lot of drinking and "meat" festivities planned. Not in that order. Do you really sing karaoke with your vamp peeps? Is is scary?

Chet Of The Undead said...

Sheri RTC---

Sing karaoke?

In the words of that noble sage the Kool Aide Man, Oh YEEEAH! ;)


Well, picture a white feller who can carry a tune like a bucket full of holes in it, a strong Texas drawl, and a rat tail trying to sing "Red Red Wine" (UB-40 style ;) )

'nuff said right? ;) LOL

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