A Vampire Halloween-- 2011

Not surprisingly, one of the recurring questions I tend to get this time of year about Vampires is: How do you guys feel about Halloween?

Well Heeeell Sunshine, Feel? I dunno, warm and scaley? Sticky like Peanut Brittle, soft'n'fluffy like a goose-down featherbed?

I guess that would all depend on how lowdown there your hand goes while you're doing all that feeling, doncha think? ;) lol

But in truth, my answer is actually pretty basic...and it's actually a question (Youknow, because I LOOOVE to be all difficult and answer questions with questions :P ) but seriously...How do YOU feel about Halloween?

Because, My Daywalker friends and neighbors, chances are, however you feel about this most dark'n'spooky holiday of the year, there's a great chance that some Vampire out there feels EXACTLY the same way.

It's just a night folks.

Really!

. A cool, candy-scarfing-sexy-costume-party-going-and-egging-and-T'Ping-other-people's-domiciles kind of night, but a night like any other.

As I've said before, Vampires are just humans...only with big sharp pointy teeth (oh, and that whole small matter about superpowers and our penchant for playing our steroes SUPER loud at like 4:30 in the morning on a Sunday, but let's not go there! lol )

We tend to have a lot in common with you fragile glass sunlit guys. So if you really dig Halloween, what makes you think we would feel any different?

Oh surrre...of course there are some of us that don't exactly get into the spooky spirit of the season, I guess because they feel like they live it everynight. Remmy has never been one to get all buckwild crazy about going out on All Hallow's Eve, despite the fact of all of us HE is the one who would probably most benefit from being able to go out in costume and roam among the Normies freely for a change.

I will tell you this though, it honestly IS easier to go out on the 31st of Octubre without folks asking too many questions. And people always think you have the BESSSST "costume" ever. No matter what you're "wearing" or not.

Hell, I could go out stark-ass naked, and you Sunshiney people will think I'm going as a "Streaker Vampire" or as a "Reporter Vampire" or a "Gamer Vampire" a "Mail Carrier Vampire" or even a "McDonald's Counterworker Vampire."

Uhhhh....yeaaaaaah....whatever! lol

Lazy Vampires (like me ;) ) have it so damn easy on Halloween!

'Course, it never stops those who really want to from being whoever they want to be. Trish (shocking, I know) almost always put an elephant's-balls'-sized workload into putting together her own costume...starts almost two months ahead of time with her planning...even if she's not planning on really doing anything major that night. (Loser? Okay, just remember that YOOOU said that, I was mum, so the razortooth pixie knows who to stalk and kill for their sarcasm! :P )

Why OFCOOOOURSE she's dressed as a Pixie before (an electric BLUE-haired pixie, but nonetheless )

And a nurse. And a Piratess. A stick of Butter (with her then boyfriend as a slice of bread. A Mad Scientist..ess. (Which is basically just herself...yeaaah.)

Oh and as Quatto from Total Recall.

Either that, or she just had a really big blackhead on her stomach...I can't remember. ;)

My buddy Antoine tends to always do the coolest decorating get up. One year he even did a "Voodoo Themed" haunted house getup...it was the bombiest baby!

Stinky Linda is along the same lines as Remmy...not so super hot on Halloween. Methinks maybe she got "Punked" WAAAY too many times by my little "proto-Hellion" ancestors back in the 1920's or something. So she hides indoor, and her beau Claude has to spend his night elsewhere.

Me?? I have to say when I mere weakling sunlit sir like the rest of you folk, I was quite the little Devil. My big bro Doogie and I used to go all Pranktacular every Halloween night.

I may not be African-American, but let's just say, I'm a master rapper....with Toilet Paper!!

I was once a .700 batting average at "Mailbox Baseball" and the worst Egg Guerilla terrorist in the greater Austin area!! LOL

But now...I dunno....maybe I AM starting to feel as old as I actually am (rather than how I look ;) ) about some things.

This year, I think I'm gonna get me as many cheesy classic monster flicks and olf Adams Family re-runs as I can get my grimey little paws on and just kick back at my pad with as much commandeered candy as I could rush out the local Stop'N'Rob with.

Piggin' out on the Candy has become the REAL draw of All Hallow's Eve. Hey, whatddya expect? So what I'm a Vampire, that doesn't me I always HAVE to be totally obsessed with the holiday.

Besides, I already did all my holy hell-raising YEARS ago! :P

Hmmm...maybe I'll see if I can lasso up Remmy and Stink Linda up and see if Alamo Drafthouse is doing anything scaretacular tonight.....sounds like it could be a plan.

Even if it isn't as scary as you thought! ;)

Vampires are people too...and if there's one thing that all people love...it's having fun.

Oh, and individually wrapped "fun-sized" (or even TRISH-sized":P ) Chocolate candies!! ;)

Happy Halloween!!




(AND SAVE ME SOME PEANUT BUTTER CUPS OR I WILL BITE YOU!! ;) lol j/k! )

--Chet