Thursday, March 11, 2010

I Get By With A Lil'Help From My Friends...

So 'tis Thursday and if you're one of the few, the ashamed, the whimsical, the wonderfully bizarre (like me) who follow my blog you KNOW it's time for some more...

I talk a lot yes, but you (pretend to ) ENJOY it!!



...And to continue with the current trend of using this space to help some of you "newer" blogsters catch up, I have another "Retro Rant" from about a year ago...albeit a BIT "retooled" (and a lot better looking, IMO)

Check it out!
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This evening finds yours truly thinking.

Thinking about a lot of things actually.

About Life…Life in general…Life in the much more specific sense. Life sentences,Life Cereal
(Look Mommie Mikey likes it! I liked it first silly boy!) Life-er-roni, Life Magazine
even The Life Of Brian


“I think he said ‘Bless the Cheesemakers’ or something…” HA!

I can’t believe SOME of you Blogsters actually think I’m a LOSER!!

I actually do have FRIENDS…uh…a few of them anyway…and I thought you’d might actually want to MEET them...

Well…sortof!

And while YES I do have quite a few Normie friends and co-worker dorks I occasionally split my oh so preciously delicious time with too…I thought it best (and perhaps even a sight more…intriguing) if I told you blog-groupie folk about some of my closer and more KINDRED spirits.

Besides, it might be helpful for y’all to knowth just who in the heaping hellamajig I’m talking about when I refer to them and their exploits in future entries.

Let’s start with the one you already know, a little more BG on the oldest of the OG’s of my vamp Pos-see!


Remmy


Bonjour, I'm a charmingly hideous Vampire. BTW, why are you in my bedroom??


Yes, while you have already been acquainted with the Rem-meister to some extent (his Nos-Vamp status, the fact that he’s 1500 years old or thereabouts, is good with the women, and really digs cosmic bowling per examplo) you might not have known:

His last name is from a certain foreign language and literally translates into “squire” or a “shield bearer. “ (Sure, he’s been a Knight in his time too, but he just always dug the sound of it…and apparently the babes do too!)

His favorite song by The Beatles is “Revolution.”


He’s a passionate lover…of absinthe liquore.

Remmy is one passionately obsessive Vampire about keeping his Fangs clean!

He is a HUGE fan of
Jennifer Connelly and knows for a fact that she is much hotter than Eleanor of Aquitaine


Jennifer Connelly: Vampire dudes and dang near everybody agrees she's a FOX!!


One of his hobbies is making odd mechanical puppets and wooden marionettes. (Seriously, he can make a puppet out of anything!)


He toured the Old West as a sideshow freak…calling himself “The Batman” and even met Wyatt Earp once. (“The guy was an arrogant jackass, they were gangsters with badges!”)

He once worked as an artist’s model during the Danse' Macabre period in late medieval art.


He once slept with the real woman who posed for Botticelli's "Venus" painting.

He met Geoffrey Chaucer once. (“He was a witty guy…but a bit heavy with a big time gas problem.”)

Not surprisingly, Remmy is a great storyteller, that is, once you actually get him to open his mouth! Yeaaap, he’s a mite shy too.



He prefers Borders
to Barnes and Noble
and Shakespeare and Co
to all the above.


One of his favorite smells is gasoline.


He believes Mr. Rogers was an often misunderstood genius.


He can hear a dog whistle.

Looks SPOOKY but he's just running out to get some French Roast Coffee...err...I think...


He’s gotten the highest scores in Frogger
and Tetris I’ve ever seen.

He’s about 6’2… in height.

Why she's got Remmy gingerly strollin' around in the graveyard, I know not, that's MY Idiom!!


Despite being an all-around nice guy, one of his favorite pranks on Halloween is pretending to be a wax Nosferatu lawn decoration and set himself up on a bench with a jack-o-lantern bucket of candy, with a sign next to him outside some random person’s house. When the kiddos come up to the apparent “lawn ornament” and take from the bucket, he moves and then hisses at them. (Truly folks, it’s hilarious!!)

He can’t stand the taste of Pepsi, but loves Moxie
soda and orders it by the case over the internet.

Just another sexy (undead) Bald Guy!!


Okay, I think that’s more than enough for now…let’s move on to another in my “clique” shall we?

Trish

TRISH: HEY, what are you staring at??



And now to the second oldest old fart-ess in my Vampire gaggle of groupies…we have my chick-pal Patricia, or A.K.A. Trish, Trishiepoo, Tula, T-light, Low Rider, or any other cracker-esque street cred name her charmingly dorky self comes up with in the moment.

Picture a saucy little number of a she-midget, somewhere between 4’10 and 5’2 (she’s definitely shorter than my last Normie girlfriend who I know for a fact was 5’4 because…umm…nevermind…long story!) Yeah, she’s a waify kinda babe, can’t be more than 100…lbs…naturally reddish brownish hair (though she often dyes it jet-black or…really any other deliberately loud color that suits her fancy!) Eyes big, round, and brown like the cutest of cutesy puppy dogs with thick and VERY long eyelashes… (why see made them GREEN in the pics, I know not!) brows a bit on the “tweeze-a-logically dependent” side.


Yeaaap, that's a pretty acurate picture of what she looks like first gettin' up...minus all the eye goobers and snot!!

She tends to keep her hair length either down to just the mid of the middle of her fun-sized adorable ears, or just a wisp or two of length below the shoulders. Appearance-wise and clothing wise Trishie is the epitome of the term “Geek Chic’ “ with maybe just a smidgeon ofSuicide Girls saucy.

(Per examplo…She is totally into wearing thick, dark framed glasses much of the time, even though she doesn’t need them in the slightest, and I don’t know any guy she’s dated in recent months/decades who hasn’t been introduced to “Shakey Jack” her vibrating tongue piercing within two to three minutes of meeting her.)

ME: Trish?? HER: WHAT?? ME: You're so pastey, you're like, camoflaged into your furniture! TRISH: ShaadddUUUUPPP!!


Trisher was born in about 1474 in a wee spitwad of a little village in the north of England to a modest tradesman father (modest in this case =shit poor) who already had like, six or seven sons at least. Being that she had modestly poofy teats instead of a peepee stick, like most of her other legitimate (and many, MANY illegitimate) siblings, this made her Papa’s FAVORITE…

…Welll…sarcastically speaking.

Trish, why do you have Remmy talking to you while wearing a Military hat??

Put it this way folks, Trish is a CAT person…and you’d most likely be a cat person too if you had to spend many of your formative years living in a little thatch roofed hovel fighting your father’s bastard English wolfhound for whatever scraps of mutton you could get while your father and bros ate their meal in comfort. (“Ah the foul curse of vagininity!!”)

A simlistic artistic rendering of Trisher surfing for Beefcake Bi-Boy Porn!!

Want a little more?

TOUGH, you’re getting it anyway! (Wink )

She’s VERY energetic…almost to the point of hyperactivity (she stays up later than almost any Vampie I know…well into the early AFTERNOON much of the time) she’s inquisitive, constantly experimenting with things (her latest adventure as of this writing is customizing/tinkering with a home rocket building kit from the comfort of a STUDIO apartment) the only friend of mine who I let help me (occasionally) with my blood moonshine making hobby process (though she does feel the need to tinker with my recipe sometimes or attempt to “improve” my distilling process…last time she tried, she almost burned my super duper secret “shop” down…ARRRGGGH!!)

In game, I have a feelin' her digital self does quite a bit of tinkering, if by tinkering you mean masturbating! ;)


Trish can speak Middle English fluently, is also a VORACIOUS reader (being as she was unedimacated and illiterate in her original Normie life, so she appreciates it with a vengeance!) She’s a devoted member of theRichard III Society
(“I saw him damnit…he was an AWESOME king!!”) an uber feminist (okay…mostly feminist) obsessed with the wonders of medieval weaponry and mechanics (English Knights/Feudal dudes were the equivalent of “Bad Boys” and “Rock Stars” when she was a kid.) This tends to irritate Remmy quite considerably, seeing as how he used to be one of those guys once, and has since turned over a new pacisfist-tical leaf…oh yeah…and they used to date too!

Talk smack about this English Monach in front of Trish and they'll be consequences and repercussions!


As-matter-a-factly, that’s how I met her, through Remmy (more or less!) Oh, she’s an artist too…as in she actually makes her living from her freakishly bizzarish “Neo-Medieval Futuristic” style canvasi and sculptures made out of wielded together odds and endi…(honestly, I don’t know what the Hell they’re supposed to be half the time…HAR!)

TISH: Ut ooooh, I don't remember putting that bowl there, did it come hence from a Parallel Universe??

But in any rate, if nothing else, you can always say there’s something really interesting going on with my gal pal Trish. Sure, she isn’t originally from Austin
(even in this current “life”) but I’d say her quirky self fits in rather nicely down here, and I always enjoy the pleasure of her company.

An adorable brat she is!!




Antoine


I think pic makes him look cool, like his Vampire eyes are glowing...whaddya think?



Do you fine blogfolk happen to remember a couple of posts ago when I said something about “Nawlins” and how so many vamps had to relocate to Austin
from there?



Again, HUMOUR me anyway!



Yeah, Antoine is one of them. Antoine’s also probably the closet in age to me among my closet friends…or CLOSEST friends (though I GUESS some may not want to admit to actually being my friend in public lol)…though he still whups my cute ass in that department. (He’d be in his 70’s today if he remained a Normie.)

Picture a kinda Creole coffee brown skinned man (with lots and lots of creame….unn…in the colour of his skin…not…uhh…anything else. ) about 6’0 a bit on the stocky side with puffer fish cheeks and closely cropped jet black short hair…a butterfly button nose(read: nostrils that are kinda flared) and a well pronounced chin with eyes of an amber caramel brown with HUGE pupils. Though, I gotta tell you, that part really doesn’t matter too much, because you really hardly ever see “Tone’s” eyes. He always seems to have that “half-closed sly little sleepy smile” look, and his grin is so ever-present and bright, it’d most likely blind you. (He smiles more than any other Vampire I’ve ever known, even regularly exposing his fangs!) His laughter fills a room, Hell book friend gnomes, you never even have to SEE him to know where he is, you just listen for the sound of his voice.

Tone's ALWAYS coool baby!


I believe Tone was born sometime in the 30’s in one of the lower parishes of New Orleans, St. Bernard, perhaps, or the Ninth…to tell you truly I have no clue which one exactly. (He rarely speakth of it!) He was, I believe, a jazz musician, or perhaps just working (like maybe a busboy or something) in a Bourbon Street club in the early 50’s when he was made. Apparently he pissed off a bunch of peoples with his card sharking on the side, and the wrong kinda of person found him…but then again, maybe SHE wasn’t so bad…because rather than deciding to kill him for welching on a debt, she made him Nocturnal. (Let’s just say Tone and I can really sympathize with one another on this one and leave it at that!)

Getting on back to the man’s voice…even for a dude, or a Vamp dude, I gotta say his is rather pleasant, albeit a BIT (make that a BIG…bit) on the LOUD side. He can carry a tune anywhere you want it to go, all night and all day…and every time I hang out with him somewhere or somewhere-th he is almost always singing about something at some point. Though, ironically, these days he makes his living (well, in part) as a comedian.


Tone knows King Cakes....like THIS one from Gambino's Bakery!


Let’s see what else can I say before I get off Antoine (blogwise of course! Naughty naughty minded paper people!!) Oh…it’s a given he ADORES crawfish…he’s religiously obsessed with the New Orleans Saints and is STILL a fan of the Utah Jazz in spite of the fact NOLA has the Hornets now, I met him at an open mike night when I took my one and ONLY vacation to New Orleans about…uhh…(counts on his fingers…and maybe toes) about….17 years ago…

Antoine having a good time with Trisher at what I GUESS is suposed to be Bloody Mary's


SHIAAAAT! 17 years is a LOOONG time!! Well…at least to me.

Oh yeaah…and he’s a huge Scarlett Johansson
fan…


ScarJo: Human Flotation Devices save lives!!



I think that there pig’ll do for Tone, but should I babble on a bit more about my maker “Soapbox?”

My myterious (and HOT) Vampire maker Sophie! Woooo, the plot thickens!!


NAAAAH.

But you CAN see a few bonus pics right quick...

FIRST.......GUESS who Trishie thinks THIS CHUCKLEHEAD is supposed to be??

Dleeep bleep bleeep dat-dah-dah, dadda-dad-da-daah (Me doing the Super Mario theme)

And this one...

Damnit, STOP TAKING PICTURES OF MY ASS, YOU SLLLUUUUT!! :P Trish: MAKE ME!!

"The Crew" hanging out at the stand-in for "Bloody Mary's" and I guess what's suposed to be our "Hangout" (The Parking area of an Auto Zone...damn we're awesome!!)

Me and Remmeister playing some fooseball...

...While Trish is getting loaded!!

Once she's had a few apparently she get's...dancey...ish!

I look like a freakin' doofus!!

ME: Remmy, THINK FAST!!

Butta-FINGAAAZ!!


Antoine is ALWAYS coool!!



And to conclude, I liked this one...

REMMY: Yeap. ME: Yeaaaaap TRISH: Uhhmmmhmmm.



Okay, the night seems to be getting away from me…and what better way to spend that night than playing the part of a Cabbage Patch doll looking midget in a cotton white undershirt beating the living shit out of OTHER Cabagge Patch doll looking midgets by using adorable looking metal trashcans, cute baseball bats, and just oh-so-precious looking pairs of brass knuckles??

....or A.K.A. the Nintendo classic River City Ransom








Who knew random street crime and gang violence could be just so gosh darn CUUUUUUTE? (Wink)


Who is your best friend (s) ?

Have long have you known your Best Friend (s) ?

What is the COOLEST thing about your best friend (s) ?

What is something that annoys the heck out of you about your Best Friend (s) ?

Oh and a big special thanks to the asforeskinmentioned Trish, for her crackhead like adiction to Sims 3 and making the new artistic renderings possible' !!

Toodles is as Toodles does,

--Chet

a cheeky vampire blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in generala cheeky vampire blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in generala cheeky vampire blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in general








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