Wednesday, June 2, 2010

The Breed

For tonight's edition of....




Let us break bloody bread with....



a cheeky vampire Texan blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in general



The Breed


Info:

Director-- Michael Oblowitz (The World Then The Fireworks, Hammerhead: Killer Frenzy, The Foreigner)

Writer--- Christos N. Gage
(Union Jack, Teenage Cavemen, The Man With No Name Comic Book series)

Starring---

Adrian Paul (Highlander The Series, Highlander: Endgame, Trackker)
Bokeem Woodbine (The Rock, Caught Up, Ray)
Ling Bai Ling Bai (The Crow, Red Corner, Star Wars III: Revenge of The Sith)

Year: 2001

Company: MPCA

The Basic Scoop, The Poop, The Lowdown: In a Quasi-Communist, or possibly Fascist...ish American 60's Retro looking future (try to swallow all of THAT in one gulp!!) A fairly new National Security Agent named Steve Grant (Woodbine) is partnered up with Aaron Grey (Paul) a security officer of Serenity, a community of Vampires, after an unknown man kills the former's former partner.


a cheeky vampire Texan blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in general

(Still with me so far?? lol )

Based on the way said former partner bit ze dust, it is strongly suspected ze killer is a Vampire, who, by the way, have all recently come out of ze closet to the world, and the powers that be in both communities have strung together this partnership between Grant and Grey (sounds like the name of a Law Firm or a Condom manufacturer!) to get this case under wraps before it all can derail ze peace between Vampires and ze Humans before ze Germans get there.


a cheeky vampire Texan blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in general

What's Pretty Good: The cinematography for one thing...not too shabby for what one might call a "straight-to-video" flick. It creates a real dark, sinister, rundown mood...kinda "Cold War...ish" in feel.

I also like the way that the peeps who made this flick used an ACTUAL former WWII era Jewish Ghetto in the heart of Eastern Europe as a stand-in for the Vampire community Serenity. There is clearly a symbolism throughout the film between the fear and bigotry directed towards the Vampies in this film's Universe and the Jewish people of our real one, which is ACTUALLY a long-running tradition in Vampie movies. (Seriously, take a look at F.W. Murnow's Nosferatu sometime and then compare it with the propaganda images of Jews produced by ze Germans in that time period and try and TELL ME there's no similarities!! Thanks for reminding me of that Remmy, Gawwwd, he's so smart!! ANND old as f&*k! lol )

Also gotta say I like MOST of the ways in which Vampires are portrayed in this film. Mostly humanoid, not bursting into pyrotechnical heavy metal glory as soon as the sun comes out and what not, based on my own experience with this, I must say they're A LOT more accurate than some in showing us Vampies as more like you guys than you think...showing us as a real, living, breathing second variety of Homo Sapiens...

(err...or are we Homo Vampirus??? Hmmm...definitely not just Homos...like...ewwww!! lol j/k )

What Kinda Sorta Really, Really Sucks: For all of it's UBER "coolness" you can tell almost within 10 minutes of watching this film no matter where you come in at (I don't even think I saw it from the very, VERY beginning) you can tell this film was based on some type of comic book, or written by a eunuch cave troll without living friends...err...I mean a COMIC BOOK writer (Oh stop! I only kid... oh, and before you ask, NO it was NOT Frank Miller..... for a change. )

Because of this, it has a storyline that focuses a little too much on trying to look "cool" or show "action" rather than on character development. You can also tell this film didn't have a huge budget...based on the look and feel of many of the scenes within...not say, anything remotely close to The Creeping Terror level bad, but still obvious for nowadays.

Even though it suggests perhaps that its supposed to MAYBE take place in America, the whole movie definitely has a "foreign feel" to it...like watching the Fifth Element or a "Spaghetti Western" you just know somewhere you're going to see a dude or chick who's probably had their voice dubbed over by an American actor's voice somewhere.

Oh yeah, and Adrian Paul, yeah yeah we Vampies in the real world love him, as we do Chris Lambert, and Sean Connery (Who DOESN'T love Sir Sean?) for giving us one of our all-time-FAVORITE cult-culture phenomenons Highlander

a cheeky vampire Texan blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in general


(It reminds us of...well...US!) BUT...because of the FEEL of this film, I always felt like just maybe it was one long Highlander:The Series Highlander: The Series " flashback" sequence or just a bad dream of Duncan as a Vampire with a horrible accent...and that some frosted-haired punk rock looking immortal was going to be drop-kicking in Adrian's...err...I mean MACLEOD's barge door looking for a fight ("There can be ONNNLLLY ONE!!")

a cheeky vampire Texan blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in general


Many of the plots and subplots of the film left me utterly confused (not that hard to do, but still... ;) )

Almost all of the minor characters were so thinly drawn you could've just as easily have used cardboard stand-ins and a micro-recorder with a producer reading their lines taped to the back and no one would have noticed the difference. Bai Ling looked waaaaay too creepy (even for me!) to be "sexy" in this flick. The Vampire "fight scenes" were mostly lame. There really aren't that many Vampire kiddies in the real world and oh yeah WE DON'T NEED ONLY HUMAN BLOOD!! OR A SYNTHETIC HUMAN BLOOD SUBSTITUTE, WE CAN USE OTHER MAMMALS BLOOD TOO!!

Got it now?? ;) Jesass! You Daywalking little Normie brats think 'yer like, oh MAAAH Gaaawd, the centre of the freakin' Universe or something!! LOL


Grade: C-

Bottom line, If you're looking for a Vampire movie with a high "scare factor" you wont get it here. If you're looking for a deep character-driven Vampire themed drama (a'la Interview With The Vampire ) you also wont get that here. BUT, if you're looking for ANYTHING OTHER than a rerun of some crappy reality show like Jersey Shore at 4:45 in the morning and like me you get bootleg cable (well sometimes when I spend the cable bill money on cheap floozies lol ) then, give ths one a looksee. Not horrible, but not great. Goes down like generic Timmy The Lygar Frost-O flakes......

"THHHHHEEEEEEEEREEEEEE CHEEEEAAAAAP!!"

a cheeky vampire Texan blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in general

--Chet

a cheeky vampire blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in generala cheeky vampire blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in generala cheeky vampire blogger named Chet who writes about pop culture, monster/horror/B-movies and other crap in general

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